Vacationing in MiddleEarth
by Writes with Block
Summary: Two present day girls get sent to Middle-Earth. Hilarity insues. AND IT IS DONE!
1. Hiccup in the Closet

Vacationing In Middle Earth  
By: Jo-chan  
  
***  
If you're a Tolkien purist please don't read this. Not only will you hate it you might just start to convulse because I've changed so much. If this doesn't apply to you please read! This is just a silly little fic I started writing for my best friend Shawn. Its all about what would happen if she and I got sent to Middle-Earth. Read, enjoy, and please review.  
***  
  
Chapter One: Hiccups in the Closet  
  
Jo slammed her government book on the table with an exasperated sigh and scowled. "I hate government AP."  
"That's why I got out," Shawn said cheerfully from the couch..  
"Shrivel up and die," Jo mumbled.  
"What?"  
"Do you have any pie?"  
"Nope. Everything I need to know about government I learned from School House Rock." She proceeded to sing 'I'm Just a Bill on Capital Hill.'  
Jo rolled her eyes. "Two AP tests on the same day and instead of studying I let you talk me into going to DCI for three days." She shoved the government book aside and frowned at her biology text. "Quiz me on biology."  
"Okies. Where do babies come from?"  
"I hope you choke."  
"Uh?"  
"Could you get me a coke?"  
"Can't. Hafta beat the Orcs."  
"Are you still playing that game?" Jo got up and walked over to the couch Shawn was sprawled across.  
"Yer the one whose been listening to the soundtrack for three days straight."  
"Helps me study," Jo mumbled, watching the TV. "How long have you been playing?"  
"Fifteen hours," Shawn answered proudly.  
"And your mom doesn't worry about you?"  
"Nah. Just asks me if I want something to eat every now and then."  
"Maybe you should quit for now. We have to leave pretty early tomorrow. The buses leave at eight," Jo said walking over to the table and gathering her books. "You did pack, right?"  
"Yeah," Shawn mumbled, gazing mournfully at the PS2 before turning it off. "The bags are in my room."  
"Let's make sure we have everything and then crash. We need to get some sleep."  
"Yes mother."  
"Don't call me that! My brothers call me that."  
Both girls entered Shawn's room and were immediantly attacked by a flying ball of orange fur.  
"Go outside Diana! Let's go outside!" Shawn shouted and closed the door behind the excited dog. "Look. There's my bag and its all packed."  
"Couldn't fit the PS2 in?" Jo teased. She crouched and started rummaging through the bag. "There's six bags of peanut butter M&Ms in here. We're only going up there for three days."  
"Three days requires all of the Lord of the Rings books?" Shawn quipped, pulling the books out of Jo's bag. "And both the soundtracks? Isn't this my extended addition DVD?"  
"I haven't finished it," Jo defended. She too the books, Cds, and DVDs, and put them aside lovingly.  
"You've had it for two months."  
"Haven't found time to watch them. I've been studying really hard." Jo patted the DVD box softly.  
"I hope you don't sleep with that."  
"Who told you!? I mean, yeah right." Jo chuckled nervously. "Like anyone's that crazy." She chuckled again and started digging through her bag.  
"Yer a freak and I can't find my Riot."  
"It's in the other bag. Over by the closet."  
Shawn went to the bag and started to unzip it. Something in the closet made her stop. It sounded like....  
A hiccup?  
"Where's Diana-butt?" she asked Jo.  
"Outside. How come?"  
"Thought I heard something in the closet."  
"Its probably those ants."  
"It sounded like a hiccup."  
"A hiccup? You've been playing video games for way too long."  
"I'm serious. There it is again!"  
Jo, carrying her bags, walked over to the closet and pushed her ear against the door. "Dude, I don't hear."  
HICCUP!  
"Crap!" Jo shouted and jumped away from the door. "There's something in there!"  
"I told you! I told you!"  
"W-what do we do?"  
"Open it?"  
"Something is hiccuping in your closet and you want to open the door?" Jo asked.  
"Gotta find out what it is," Shawn answered.  
"Or we could run, screaming, to your mom like small children."  
"But that implies running. It's easier to just open the door."  
"But what if what's in there wants to eat us?"  
"We've got food. I'm gonna open it." Shawn put her hand on the doorknob.  
"No!"  
"Yes!"  
"No!"  
"Yes!"  
"I don't wanna get eaten!"  
"You won't!"  
Shawn yanked the door open.  
"Uh..."  
"Exactly what I was thinking." Jo turned on the closet light and shook her head. "M-maybe it was one of the dogs or your mom or something." She laughed. "Like something would actually be hiccuping in your closet." She turned to look at Shawn, smiling. "Pretty stupid, huh?"  
HICCUP!  
Author's notes:  
  
1. AP stands for Advanced Placement. Its a college level class that you take during high school. There's a big test at the end of the year and if you score high enough you can get college credit for that course. You can always tell when the tests are coming up cause AP students have the look of doom on their faces.  
  
2. DCI stands for Drum Core International. Its a competition for marching bands. Yes I am a band nerd. ^__^ Its allot of fun if you like that kind of thing. It doesn't usually last for three days but I figured I was all ready butchering a piece of literary genius so it really didn't matter.  
  
3. Diana is Shawn's dog. She's a welsh corgi and if you've ever been around one you understand what I mean about a flying ball of fur.  
  
4. The Riot is an MP3 player. It likes to run away and show up later.  
  
5. Shawn's room is infested by ants. They like to attack hapless victims late at night. I'm pretty sure they have connections with the mob.  
  
I think that's all of it. Someone tell me if I left something out. 


	2. A Nice Little Break

Chapter Two: A Nice Little Break  
  
***  
Disclaimer:  
Don't own it. Just a fanfic. Don't take it seriously.  
***  
"Crap," Jo mumbled. Her head and back ached dully and something was pressing on her legs. "Get off Diana. This is my couch."  
"Get off my bed," Diana mumbled back.  
Jo's eyes snapped open. She defiantly wasn't sleeping on the couch in Shawn's room. Unless of course they'd just put in a sky light. A slight breeze caught her attention and she looked around.  
She was laying on her back in the middle of a field. To her left was a dark forest. To her right, lush green fields spread for as far as she could see. Near her left arm was what looked like the luggage she'd packed earlier that day. Shawn was laying across her legs.  
"Get up Shawn. We're in trouble."  
She nudged Shawn in the ribs. Shawn snorted and rolled over.  
"Hey! Get up. Yer on my legs!"  
Jo poked Shawn in the side and she sprang to her feet, growling.  
"I told you not to open the door," Jo mumbled flatly.  
"Where are we?"  
"How should I know? I just woke up."  
"Hey, our stuff came with us." Shawn started rooting in the bags.  
Jo got to her feet and looked around. "Great. Teleported by a hiccup in a closet No one's ever going to believe this one."  
"Found my Riot!"  
Jo flopped to the ground. "We're in so much trouble. And we're gonna miss DCI. And I've been looking forward to seeing the Blue Devils for months."  
"Now you don't have to take the AP exams," Shawn consoled.  
"Guess it wouldn't be so bad if we stayed for a little while. We've got enough food and soda to last us at least a month. Two months if we eat those Goldfish sparingly. Don't know where we're going to find ice though."  
"Good thing these bags came too. Now we've got toothpaste, underwear, deodorant." Shawn hugged the deodorant. "Shampoo, toothbrush. Batteries. Car keys. Found my wallet." Shawn looked around. "Not that I'm gonna need it. Whadda we do now?"  
"I dunno. What's the first thing they tell you to do when you get lost?" Jo asked, playing with her shoe laces.  
"Start screaming?"  
"That's not gonna work out here."  
"Yeah. Guess so." Shawn flopped down next to the bags and thought. "Guess we should go look for people."  
"Good plan but we can't take all four of these bags with us. Let's figure out what we can leave behind."  
The two girls started looking and quickly came to then conclusion that there really wasn't anything they could leave.  
"Do we really need all these clothes?" Jo asked. "We could just take an extra pair or something and buy more later."  
"We don't have any money. And there's no way I'm leaving my undies behind."  
Jo cringed. "Good point. Well we can both just wear our backpacks and stuff all the clothes in the smaller duffel. Then we'll take turns carrying it."  
"Okies. You go first!" Shawn shouted.  
Jo frowned. "You suck." They transferred the contents of the bag and Jo shouldered it. "Let's go."  
"Which way? Scary forest or wide open plain?"  
"Since the forest is scary I'd suggest going in the opposite direction."  
They started across the plain but quickly came to realize that hiking wasn't as easy as it looked. Especially when you were wearing flip-flops or a four year old pair of Vans. Tired and unhappy they stopped an hour later.  
"This is almost as bad as Disney," Jo grumbled. "At least there are no puppets."  
Shawn began to sing 'It's a Small World After All' loudly and Jo tossed the duffel bag on her.  
"What if we get knocked into some alternate dimension where there aren't any people?" Shawn asked.  
"Then we'd be screwed," Jo answered.  
"Crap dude! We're in another dimension!"  
"You just realized that?" Jo asked flatly.  
"Do you know what this means?" Shawn sat up straight. "We might pull a Fushigi Yuugi!"  
"We never saw the end of that one so you'll have to explain."  
"We might become mortal enemies dude!" Shawn exclaimed.  
Jo flapped a hand dismisively. "Yeah right. Like we'd ever become enemies."  
"It could happen!"  
"It won't. First of all we'd have to be rescued by handsome men." Jo gestured at the empty plains. "Don't see that happening. Secondly, one of us would have to become insanely jealous of the other. I've never done that before but I bet its a whole loot work. Thirdly I'm not summoning anything no matter how many sexy men ask me too. Too much drama. Makes me sleepy."  
"Well....I don't know. Sexy men can change allot."  
"Fine. Let's make a promise. I swear on my Lord of the Rings books that we will not become mortal enemies."  
"Okies. I swear on Vice City."  
"There. Problem solved."  
"Yeah but we still don't know where we are."  
Jo sighed and fell over on her back. Something in the distance caught her attention. A dark blob was moving towards them quickly. Jo's nose twitched and she tilted her head to the side slightly.  
'What is that?' she asked herself.  
A rotten smell reached her nose and she wrinkled it in disgust. The blob was getting much closer very quickly and now she could hear faint sounds of yelling.  
'That sounds familiar,' she thought. 'Where have I heard that before?'  
"Are those...?" Shawn asked.  
"I don't care what they are!" Jo shouted, springing to her feet. "They're getting closer!" Jo grabbed the duffel bag and slung it over her shoulder. "Run!"  
"Oh great," Shawn mumbled. "I knew something like this was going to happen. Every time someone gets sent to another dimension they always get chased by something."  
Jo, who had all ready high tailed it, stopped and shouted at Shawn to move. Shawn sighed and started running.  
Halfway across the field the blob got close enough for the two girls to see their attacker's faces.  
"This sucks!' Shawn shouted.  
"And its all your fault! I knew I was gonna get eaten! Monsters like that always want to eat their prey!"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah!"  
"So if I rub a donut on your head they'll eat you and not me?"  
"If I'm going down I'm taking you with me!"  
"Some friend you are!"  
"Shut up and run!"  
"Creepy forest dead ahead!"  
With that both girls crashed head first into the dark forest. The creatures followed them, howling darkly.  
"A tree!" Jo shouted. "Climb a tree!"  
They both scrambled into a tree, climbing as high as they could. The monsters reached the tree, trying to pull them down and laughing darkly.  
"This is so your fault!" Jo shouted. "As soon as the threat of being eaten is gone I'm gonna kill you!"  
"You'll have to catch me first! And I can run pretty fast!"  
"So can I!"  
Both girls finally stopped out of exhaustion. They clung to random branches, trying to catch their breath and not fall out of the tree at the same time.  
"We're pretty lucky those monsters can't climb trees," Shawn said. "Cause we'd be dead meat."  
"I didn't hear you coming up with any good ideas," Jo wheezed.  
"I wasn't knocking yer idea dude." Shawn paused and looked down. "Did ya hear that?"  
"I don't hear anything but the hungry growls of our attackers," Jo answered.  
"There it is again!" Shawn exclaimed and a strange hush fell over the forest.  
"Cripes," Jo whispered. "This can't be good."  
"Sounds like they're moving away," Shawn whispered, trying to see what was going on on the ground.  
"Amen to that. Let's hope they stay away."  
"Yeah, but what scares away monsters?"  
"Um." Jo scratched her head. "Bigger monsters?"  
"Exactly."  
"Oh crap. We are gonna get eaten. Maybe if we climb higher it won't see us."  
"It'll probably hear us or smell us or something."  
"This really sucks. If we ever get home I'm not talking to you again."  
"You're blaming this on me?"  
"Who opened the door and blasted us into a dimension full of hungry monsters? Shawn did. Who told you not to do it? I did. That means its your fault."  
"Its not like I meant too," Shawn hissed.  
"Doesn't change the fact that we'll be somethings dinner in a few minutes," Jo hissed back.  
"We're not gonna get eaten!"  
Intent on their argument, both girls didn't realize that they were raising their voices. They also didn't notice the face that the monsters were silent. They also didn't notice that something had climbed into the tree.  
"We're gonna be okay!" Shawn shouted.  
"Right! Cause we're just on some nice little break! All we gotta do is click our heels and we'll go home."  
"I'm starting to think I'll leave you here!"  
"Can't leave me if I've been eaten!"  
"Stop saying that!"  
A hand reached out and grabbed Shawn. She fell with a startled yelp.  
"Shawn!" Jo shouted, reaching down to pull her up.  
Something grabbed Jo and tossed her to the ground.  
  
*******  
1. We went to Disney on a band trip last summer and Shawn and I got lost in Epcot. We wandered around for at least an hour before we managed to find a bus to take us back to the resort.  
2. I hate puppets.  
3. Fushigi Yuugi is an anime done by the wonderful Yu Watase. Two best friends get sent to an alternate dimension and end up being mortal enemies. Shawn started buying in a couple of years ago and has yet to finish it. *glare*  
4. There's lots of sexy men in Fushigi Yuugi. ^___^  
5. Shawn loves Vice City.  
That's it for chapter two. Hope you enjoy. I can't wait for DCI. I really wanna see the Blue Devils. Gotta get tickets first thou. . 


	3. We're Where?

Chapter Three: We're where?  
  
***  
Disclaimer:  
Don't own it. Just a fanfic.  
***  
  
Little bit of pervertedness in this chapter but its all in good fun. Enjoy!!  
  
Shawn tried to scramble to her feet but something grabbed her and lifted her off the ground. Beside her someone was holding Jo to the ground while she tried to bit her captor's leg vainly.  
"Put me down!" Shawn shouted.  
"Stop struggling and I will," her captor answered.  
"Fine. I'm calm. Let me go."  
"Tell your friend to stop struggling."  
"Hey Jo. Cut it out."  
"If you had a boot between your shoulder blades you'd be struggling too," Jo spat. "Tell 'em to let me go or I'll bite his leg off."  
"You've got spirit," Jo's captor laughed and hauled her to her feet. "So what were you and your friend doing in a tree surrounded by Orcs?"  
Jo brightened. "Did you say Orcs?"  
"Yes. Were you being pursued?"  
"They were chasing us yeah," Shawn answered.  
"Shawn he said Orcs!"  
Shawn started to smile. "He did, didn't he?"  
"That means we're in Middle Earth," Jo stated. "And this must be Fangorn Forest. Hey! Lemme go! We're not enemies." Jo struggled to get away and fell over. "Yer Aragorn," she said, pointing. "And that must be Legolas," she added, pointing over at Shawn.  
"Elf?" Shawn peeped.  
Aragorn drew his sword and held it against Jo's neck.  
"Crap!" she squeaked and ran away.  
"Don't leave me!" Shawn shouted. She glanced back at the Elf holding on to her. "Never mind! Run like the wind!"  
Aragorn stared at Jo's retreating form with a surprised look before running after her. The Ranger caught her quickly and carried her back. Jo was smiling and chuckling when Aragorn brought her back. He set her on the ground and planted a foot firmly on the duffel bag to keep her from running.  
"Now stay here or I'll have to tie you up."  
"Me too?" Shawn asked hopefully.  
"We're miles from home and you still manage to be a pervert?" Jo asked.  
"Yer blushing too."  
"Shuddup dude."  
Aragorn cleared his throat loudly. "How do you?" he began but was interrupted by Shawn.  
"Where's Gimli? Is he really that slow?"  
Aragorn drew his sword again, holding it this time at Jo's chest. She squeaked again and tried to run away but was dragged down to the ground because of the duffel. She was reduced to kicking frantically at the dirt with her feet. She froze when Aragorn rested the sword on her chest.  
"Are you spies of Sauron?" Legolas asked. "Speak true or your friend dies."  
"Us? Spies?" Shawn started laughing.  
"Stop laughing dude," Jo whimpered. "Yer gonna get me killed."  
"If you are not spies why did you run?" Aragorn asked.  
"Someone draws a sword on me and you think I'm gonna stay put? She who screams and runs away will live to run another day."  
"Where are you from? Your dialect and clothes are strange."  
"We're from Texas," Shawn answered.  
"Texas?" Legolas asked curiously. "I have never heard of such a place. Where is it?"  
"Far away," Jo answered. "Far, far away. Father than you've ever traveled."  
"What are you doing here? And how do you know us?"  
"We read about you in a...."  
"Letter!" Jo interrupted quickly. "From....from Gandalf."  
"Gandalf?"  
"Yes! He's an old friend of our," Jo lied smoothly.  
"Why do I get the feeling you are lying to me?" Aragorn asked.  
"Oh I don't know," Jo stammered, her voice cracking. "Maybe because I'm a little nervous."  
"If what you say is true you have no reason to fear."  
"I have a sword pointed in the general direction of my heart. If you weren't standing on the bag I'd be half way home by now."  
"I will put my sword away if you promise not to run."  
"Won't run if you aren't scaring the pants off of me."  
Aragorn put his sword away and helped Jo to her feet. Legolas let go of Shawn and she pouted.  
"Great going," she mumbled to Jo. "Don't come between me and my elf," she hissed. "Or I'll take you out. And not on a date."  
"Can we have a moment to discuss our situation?" Jo asked and pulled Shawn away before anyone had answered. "We're in allot of trouble."  
"Whadda mean? We've been saved by sexy men."  
"Okay, look, we need to set some ground rules. First of all, we can't tell them that we've read about them in a book."  
"This is like Fushigi Yuugi," Shawn gasped.  
"Listen to me. If we change things around here too much things are going to get screwed up. We have to do everything we can to make sure nothing changes around here. The fate of Middle-Earth depends on them. If we screw stuff up too much Middle-Earth might fall."  
"Don't be so dramatic. Is this following the book or the movie?"  
"Dunno. Well this is Fangorn Forest so we're in the Two Towers. They probably all ready ran into Eomer, that's why they end up here. We screwed stuff up because some of the Orcs from the company with Merry and Pip started chasing us."  
"Good thing we ended up here or we would have been killed by those Rohan guys."  
"Probably. Hopefully Merry and Pip found Treebeard and he took them to Gandalf. All of that happens in the book and the movie. All we need to do is make sure they meet up with Gandalf and things should go smoothly."  
"We can't interfere with what happens here?"  
"Nope."  
"We have to let Haldir die?" Shawn sniffled. "Can't we save him please?" She gave Jo puppy-dog eyes.  
"We don't even know if the elves are going to show up at Helm's Deep."  
Shawn whimpered. "Please?"  
"Ah! We'll decide that when we get there. I hope this follows the book. It'll be easier that way."  
"And Haldir won't die that way. But what are we gonna tell them?"  
"Dunno. One of us has to think of something."  
"I elect you!" Shawn cheered.  
"What!? Why me?"  
"Because you're the writer. Your good at making crap up."  
"But if he knows I'm lying he'll kill me."  
"Yes. Kill you with love!"  
"Stop being a pervert. It interferes with my thought process."  
"Kill you with his long, broad sword," Shawn leered.  
"I'm not listening to you anymore. Shut up and let me think."  
"His long hard sword."  
Jo blushed and giggled before recovering. "That's not funny." She giggled again and coughed loudly. "Let's see. I told him we got a letter from Gandalf. They meet back up with him again in this forest. So we just stick around until Gandalf shows, tell him our story, and see if he can get us home."  
"Home? Before we see the elves? I wanna see Haldir."  
"Maybe we can see a few elves. Then we go straight home!"  
"Right. Straight home. With an elf in that duffel bag."  
"What? I didn't catch that last part."  
"Nothing," Shawn sang happily and pranced back to Aragorn and Legolas.  
"I am gonna get killed," Jo mumbled and followed her.  
"How will you explain what you're doing here and how you know us?"  
"Yes. Gandalf sent us a letter and told us of the Fellowship and its quest. He requested our presence so we packed up our stuff and headed for Rivendale in secret. Unfortunately it takes a long time to get all the way there from home and we kept getting side tracked by Orcs and other monsters."  
"You carry no weapons," Legolas observed. "So you are not warriors. Why would Gandalf send for you?"  
"We have the gift of foresight," Jo answered without missing a beat. "Gandalf thought we might be of some assistance."  
Jo was interrupted by a crashing sound somewhere behind them. Fearing more Orcs, both girls scrambled into the nearest tree. Gimli, who had been conveniently missing, popped out of the dense trees.  
"You have no need to fear," Legolas said, addressing the treed girls. "It is only Gimli whose short legs do not allow him to run quickly."  
The dwarf snorted.  
"Come down. Nothing will harm you." Legolas smiled charmingly. "I will protect you."  
Shawn jumped down from the tree and glomped the elf's arm.  
"What is this?" Gimli snorted. "More children? And girls at that."  
"They are friends of Gandalf," Aragorn said. "But they haven't told us their names."  
"I'm Shawn. And she's Jo."  
"Would you have a title?" Aragorn asked.  
"A title?"  
"Yes," Legolas answered. "Beautiful women always have a title."  
While Shawn dissolved into a mushy puddle Jo thought quickly. "Of Calallen. That's where we're from."  
"Calallen?" Gimli grunted. "Never heard of it."  
"It's far away," Jo sighed. "Far, far away."  
  
****  
1. Shawn's a pervert in real life too.  
2. I love Aragorn. Shawn loves Haldir but she'll settle for Legolas until Haldir shows up.  
3. In Fushigi Yuugi the main character Miaka gets sucked into a book and falls in love with one of the guys there. She can't tell him he's just a character in a book.  
4. Ever see Nadesco?  
5. Calallen is the name of my high school. 


	4. The Shawn Chapter

Chapter Four: The Shawn Chapter  
  
****  
Disclaimer:  
Don't own it. Wish I did.  
****  
  
This chapter was written as a special favor to my best friend Shawn. I'm of rather short stature, I'm only 5"2', so Shawn really likes short jokes. So this chapter is full of short jokes and elf groping. Enjoy  
*****  
"This sucks," Shawn panted. "Stupid forest. Stupid rocks. Stupid roots."  
"Hiking sucks," Jo added.  
"Yer not wearing flip-flops."  
"True, true."  
"At least I don't have yer short, stubby legs. Then I'd never be able to keep up."  
"I hate you."  
"Cummon lassies," Gimli shouted. "You don't want to fall to far behind."  
"He's right. Something might chase us and its gotta be hard to run fast with your short legs."  
"You really do want to get left behind, don't you?"  
"With all the elves running around? A'course I do. But don't feel left out. There's lots of dwarves and hobbit runnin' 'round."  
"If you disappear during the night I bet I can make it look like an accident," Jo grumbled.  
"You should go live in the shire. You wouldn't have to look up at everyone any more. Better fer your neck."  
"Hurry up ladies!" Aragorn shouted.  
Shawn quickened her pace and Jo, who had just pounced at Shawn, ended up with a face full of dirt.  
"I'm beginning to hate Middle-Earth," Jo mumbled, picking herself up off the ground. "And I don't care what anyone says, sooner or later something is going to try to eat me again. People always get eaten in place like this."  
Jo caught up with the group and almost fell over.  
Aragorn had obviously decided it was time for a break and everyone was sitting down. Everyone but Shawn. Shawn was busy playing with Legolas's blond hair and remarking on the shape of his ears.  
"Guess she can check 'elf groping' off her 'Things to do in Life' list."  
"What did you say Lady Jo?" Aragorn asked.  
"Nothing," Jo answered and flashed Shawn a thumbs-up. "And you don't have to call me lady. Sounds funny, like something a transvestite would call him/herself."  
"A trans what?" Legolas asked.  
"Nothing," Jo answered quickly. She didn't want to be the one to introduce that little piece of American culture to Middle-Earth. "Just something from the land we come from."  
"You wouldn't look good in purple anyway," Shawn said to Legolas, who looked confused.  
"Tell us more about where you're from," Aragorn urged.  
"It's pretty boring," Shawn answered.  
"And there are no elves?" Legolas asked.  
"Nope!" Shawn peeped and hugged him. He gladly returned the favor, making Shawn blush beet red.  
"Or hobbits or dwarves or Rangers for that matter," Jo continued. "Just lots of people doing boring things."  
"What about your families? What kind of work do your fathers do?"  
"We don't really have families," Jo lied through her teeth.  
"Then what do you do?"  
"We're both students. We spend all our time studying."  
"You are both scholars?" Gimli asked.  
"Not exactly. Just students."  
"What do you study?" Aragorn asked.  
"Everything," Jo mumbled.  
"Ignore her," Shawn said. "She's disaffected."  
"Your homeland sounds very strange."  
"Its not though. Not like this place."  
"We don't have Orcs or goblins or anything like that," Shawn added, toying with Legolas's braids. "Or pretty elves."  
"Pretty?" Legolas asked, again looking confused.  
Shawn glomped the startled elf, hugging him until his face turned red.  
"Perhaps we should go to sleep," Aragorn suggested. "It is getting late."  
"Okay."  
As they dug in the bag looking for blankets Shawn asked Jo,"Did it take them more than a day to find Gandalf?"  
"Everything will take allot longer here. We're not in the movie."  
Jo and Shawn laid back against their bag. When Legolas began to sing softly in elvish Shawn was gone before Jo even realized what was happening.  
"Good luck," Jo mumbled and rolled over to get some sleep.  
  
****  
  
For Saiyan-girl-cheetah: Thanks allot for all of the reviews. Reviews mean allot to me *hint hint* I play the clarinet too. I love meeting other band geeks. They're always the most interesting people. ^__^ While we were at Disney we ran into Spider-man and all I'm saying is that guy was really secure with his body. O.o And to be serious: Diana is Shawn's dog. Every time we go into the house she attacks us. That's why she's in there.  
  
1. The purple thing is kind of an inside joke. 


	5. My Life as a Camping Trip

Chapter Five: My Life as a Camping Trip  
By: Jo-chan  
  
***  
Disclaimer:  
Don't own it. Wish I did.  
***  
  
"Did you eat my animal crackers?" Shawn accused.  
"Can't remember. I was delirious from hunger pains cause someone ate the last of my Goldfish crackers."  
"Legolas wanted to try them."  
"It was a full bag."  
"You gave Aragorn my diet coke."  
"Only a sip."  
"Are you sure you two aren't part hobbit?" Gimli asked.  
"If you make a short joke I'll stuff you in the duffel bag," Jo warned.  
"I wasn't going to. Don't want to lower myself to that level."  
"All the way out here and you still manage to make a Garza joke?"  
"Think he'd kill me if I asked him to stop?" Shawn asked, gesturing at Aragorn.  
"Dunno. He looked pretty mad last time."  
"You ask him. Its your turn."  
"Okay but let's wait a little while."  
"These are strange tracks," Aragorn observed.  
"Treebeard!" Shawn gasped quietly.  
"The white wizard walks among us," Legolas said softly.  
"Girls," Aragorn hissed and gestured to them. "Stay close to me."  
"Anything you say," Jo agreed.  
"Do not let him speak," Aragorn warned as they readied their weapons.  
"We could save them the trouble," Shawn whispered to Jo. "And have a chance to speak with Gandalf before they set off to Rohan."  
"Good idea. Hey Aragorn." She tugged at his sleeve. "Put your weapons away. Its not Sarumon. Its Gandalf the gray."  
"He is dead girl," Gimli snorted.  
"We know that," Shawn replied. "He's now Gandalf the White. I'll show ya." With that she grabbed Jo and stepped out in front of Aragorn. "Yo Gandalf!"  
"Yo Gandalf?" a voice echoed and the clearing was filled with a bright light.  
Shawn and Jo were prepared for this and all ready had their arms shielding their eyes. The light died slowly.  
"Yo Gandalf?"  
The girls smiled up at Gandalf while the men behind them could do nothing but stare. Gandalf smiled back at the girls, a little puzzled but friendly nonetheless.  
"We got your letter Gandalf," Jo said. "And here we are. It was a strange trip."  
"Ah, yes, but you have survived it," Gandalf answered.  
"How can this be?" Aragorn asked. "You fell."  
"Into shadow, yeah, yeah," Shawn interrupted. "He beat the Balrog and drifted out of all time and knowledge, blah, blah, blah and here he is."  
"Not as elegant as I would have liked but to the point nonetheless," Gandalf chuckled.  
"Don't be rude Shawn," Jo cut in, emphasizing her friend's name.  
"You girls really do have foresight," Gimli snorted.  
"You betcha!" Shawn quipped.  
Gandalf laughed heartily. "I assume you have been enjoying my friend's company Master Dwarf."  
"I must admit I doubted their claims at first but now I cannot help but believe them."  
"Yes, yes. If you'll excuse us my young friends and I need to speak privately." They walked out of earshot and Gandalf regarded the girls questioningly. "Now what is your story?"  
"To make it short and sweet we got sent here by some kind of hiccup in the universe or something. We know how all of this is going to end. We couldn't tell them so I made up a story so I'd have a chance to speak with you," Jo explained.  
"Ah. You are not from this land."  
"Not by a long shot," Shawn added.  
"And you want to know if I can help you get home."  
"Pretty much."  
"I will have to think about this. In the mean time the two of you must watch your actions very closely. There is no telling what your presence here might change."  
"That's rule number one," Shawn assured.  
Gandalf sighed. "Very well. Let us return to the rest of our company."  
..........  
"Didn't they have horses in the movie?" Shawn grumbled.  
"Maybe the Urki-hai that chased us were the Urks that killed the Rohan guys chased us and so they didn't get killed and so Eomer didn't have any horses to give to Aragorn."  
"Yer getting pretty good at that."  
"Gets easier and easier with the less sleep you get."  
"How far away is Rohan anyway?"  
"I dunno. How does anyone manage to sleep out here?"  
"Some kind of magic or something."  
"You ought to be quiet ladies," Gandalf's voice called.  
"If he tells me to be quiet one more time," Jo grumbled.  
"If I called him grandpa would he turn me into a toad?"  
"You could try. That would be pretty funny."  
"Thanks man."  
"You know what I mean." Jo paused. "Camping sucks."  
"Wish we were in the movie. This really sucks. But I'll get to see Haldir soon."  
"If we survive the walk," Jo added.  
"And don't get turned into toads."  
"Enough ladies!" Gandalf boomed.  
When in doubt climb the nearest tree and that's exactly what the both girls did.  
"That's one scary grandpa."  
"Shhhh."  
..........  
"Hiking's allot like a hamster wheel."  
"What are you babbling about now Shawn?"  
"Hiking. Its like a hamster wheel."  
"Do you need to sit down?"  
"No. Listen to me. We keep going and going but are we really getting anywhere? Really?"  
"No thanks. I'll just go find someone who understands me." With that she swept off to Legolas's side.  
Jo sighed and looked off into the distance. Something caught her eye and she stopped. "What's that in the distance?" she called to Aragorn.  
"That, lady," he answered, "is the city of Edoras and the Golden Hall of Theoden King."  
Shawn and Jo 'whooped' in great Aggie tradition and took off running toward the city as fast as they could.  
"Think they have a bath?" Jo shouted.  
"Doubt it!" Shawn shouted back and stopped short. Jo fell over her and landed in the dirt. "Isn't Theoden being possessed right now?"  
Jo propped herself up on one elbow. "Crap. I knew this was too good to be true. Better go back and warn them."  
The girls went back to their companions, down hearted.  
"You're not as welcome in Rohan as you think," Shawn warned. "Theoden is not himself."  
"Yeah. And look out for Wormtongue," Jo added.  
"Ewww," Shawn shuttered. " I forgot that guy was here."  
"Thank you for the warning," Gandalf said. "Let us continue."  
They did and got to the city quickly.  
"Look!" Shawn exclaimed to Jo. "It's the 'jump in your pants lady'." When Jo didn't answer Shawn looked over at her. "Where'd she go?" Shawn wondered out loud. "What are you doing at the fence?"  
Jo was standing at the fence, her backpack open at her feet. "Uh?"  
"What are you doing?"  
"The Rohan flag falls, remember? I'm taking it home as a souvenir." The black flag fluttered down as expected. Jo snatched it out of the air and stuffed it in her bag.  
"Good idea," Shawn mumbled. "Maybe Legolas would give me his shirt. Or better yet, his pants."  
"We are entering the city now ladies," Gandalf called.  
"Coming!" the girls yelled in unison.  
They entered the city and headed quickly for the Golden Hall. The guards came out and demanded the groups weapons and then escorted them inside. Jo and Shawn hung in the background, watching Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli fight the Rohan guards.  
"Shawn! Get back here," Jo hissed. "What are you doing?"  
"I'm stealing silverware. You got a souvenir. I want one too."  
"Put it back. We'll find something better than a couple of spoons."  
"Fine." Shawn heaped the spoons back on the table. "But I'd better get something good," she warned. "Looks like Theoden is back to normal."  
They watched the King cause Wormtongue out of the hall.  
"He's gonna go cry at his son's graze so we've got some time on our hands."  
Shawn tugged at Jo's arm. "Let's go get some momentous." She pushed Jo out of the hall.  
"We can't just go steal stuff."  
"They're gonna leave it all behind anyway."  
"Do not wander ladies." Legolas appeared on the steps suddenly. He grinned and steered the girls back into the hall. "I would not want any servants of the enemy taking you two from us."  
"Sure. We'll stay in the hall," Jo answered and dragged Shawn away before she could tie the elf down and use him shamelessly. "I know we're not at home but I bet you can still get in trouble for that."  
"Can I take him home as a souvenir? Or Haldir?"  
"I dunno. Lower your voice."  
"You get one. I get one too," Shawn whispered.  
"A flag is not quite the same as an elf," Jo whispered back.  
"Are you two arguing again?" Aragorn asked.  
The girls looked up, startled.  
"You guys really need to stop sneaking up on people. Give someone a heart attack popping out of nowhere like that," Jo complained.  
Aragorn eyed her curiously. "Your homeland must be very strange," he observed. "Why don't you two rest? We will be here awhile."  
...........  
A bag of peanut butter M&Ms and a short nap later, Theoden returned to the Golden Hall with Gandalf. While everyone stood and bowed the girls, who didn't know anything about Middle-Earth customs, remained sitting side by side on the duffel bag.  
"You must be Gandalf's friends," Theoden observed as they sprang to their feet. "The ones with the gift of foresight."  
"We are your, uh, majesty. I'm Jo and she's Shawn."  
"Sorry we didn't bow," Shawn muttered.  
Theoden waved a dismissive hand and sat on his throne. "It is not important. What is important s what is to come. Gandalf has give me disturbing news. Saruman has betrayed us, the Westerfold has fallen, and Eomer is banished."  
"Right," Jo mumbled.  
"Tell me, what do your far eyes see? What will become of Rohan?"  
Jo glanced at Shawn nervously. "We don't know everything."  
Theoden interrupted her. "You knew Gandalf would reappear. Surely you must know something."  
"I really can't say that I do."  
"Come now girl. Tell me what you see."  
"Theoden," Aragorn cut in. "They are but children. Do no press them without merit. They are weary from the journey."  
"Last time I checked Theoden, not Aragorn, was King of Rohan," Theoden responded coldly.  
"Foresight is a fickle gift Theoden king," Gandalf added. "It cannot be summoned at will and is not always correct. One action may change the course of all actions."  
"But surely they know something. Speak girls and tell me what you know."  
"You must fight Saruman," Jo said carefully. "But you cannot do it here."  
"Your little friend confirms my fears Gandalf. We must go to Helm's Deep."  
***  
1. Garza=Mr. Garza=our band director. He likes to make puns and one day I'm going to chunk my clarinet at him.  
2. When an Aggie, someone who goes to A&M, hears something they like they whoop.  
3. The 'jump in your pants lady' is Eowyn. We call her that cause quite frankly she wanted to jump in Aragorn's pants. 


	6. The March to Helm's Deep

Chapter Six: The March To Helm's Deep  
By: Jo-chan  
  
*******  
Disclaimer:  
Don't own. If I did I wouldn't be so broke.  
*******  
  
"We're in allot of trouble," Shawn said. "That Theoden guy's gonna keep yelling at us until we tell him something."  
The girls were currently hiding from Theoden in one of the stables. He'd been demanding for new of the future all day.  
"Yeah but what can we tell him?" Jo asked.  
"I dunno. Something cryptic. 'Beware of Wargs on the way to Helm's Deep'. That'll work, right?"  
"I guess. But I can't remember if they're attacked by Wargs in the book. I don't think they are."  
"Either way it works. He can't blaime us if they don't attack and if they do we'll know whether or not the elves will show up at Helm's Deep."  
"I'm beginning to think the book and the movie are meshing. We're getting a little bit of both." Jo sighed. "Wish I hadn't taken the books out of my bag."  
"I've been thinking about the battle. Can we tell them about the bomb? Would that change too much stuff? And what about Haldir? Are we going to let him die?"  
"We'll save Haldir and say nothing about the bomb. If we say too much the whole outcome of the battle could change."  
"We can't just say nothing. Why don't we give Legolas a cryptic message? 'Beware the bearer of a bright torch' or something like that."  
"But if they don't blow up the wall the Orcs don't get inside and Aragorn and Theoden don't ride into battle together. That's pretty important."  
"So we just tell Aragorn not to put anyone on that part of the wall. Let elves shot the ropes on the ladders and they can't get up,' Shawn argued. "It leave that part defenseless but it'll save their lives."  
"Good idea but will he go for it?"  
"If you flash him I bet he will," Shawn chuckled.  
"Your boobs are bigger."  
"I've been looking for the two of you."  
Both girls yelped and jumped in surprise.  
"Damn it Gandalf," Shawn mumbled.  
"Hiding from Theoden?" Gandalf asked with a chuckle.  
"That guy's a nut case!" Jo exclaimed. "He was following me around after breakfast today. Asking me to tell him the future like I'm one of those phone-in psyics."  
"Maybe I should call you Miss Cleo," Shawn joked.  
"While I have no idea what you're talking about I understand your dilemma. But you must be extremely careful with what you say."  
"Yeah we know," Shawn grumbled.  
"Do not take this so lightly Shawn," Gandalf warned. "Your presence here has all ready changed many thing. I spoke with Galadriel last night and she is most interested in the two of you. I am sure Elrond will be as well."  
"Galadriel?" Shawn repeated. "Did she say anything else?"  
Gandalf eyed her suspiciously. "You know something about the Lorien elves don't you?"  
"Dunno," Shawn countered. "Do I?"  
"I have no time for games," Gandalf retorted. "Whatever you know you keep it to yourself. Do you understand?"  
"Yes sir," the girls both mumbled.  
"I will hold you to that promise. Here are some clothes for the both of you. I do not want you sticking out so much when you march to Helm's Deep."  
"When we ride to Helm's Deep," Shawn corrected and accepted the clothing.  
"Yer going to get Eomer," Jo said.  
"Perhaps you do have foresight," Gandalf said and went to one of the stables. At some point Shadowfax has shown up and he was now waiting for Gandalf. "I must go."  
"Hey, wait! Did you all ready talk to Aragorn?"  
"About what?"  
"You know, the thing. About you and Helm's Deep and Eomer."  
"Yes. And watch what you say."  
"I didn't give anything away," Jo protested.  
"Very well. Change your clothes and get to the Golden Hall. You will be leaving shortly."  
"Hey Gandalf," Shawn said as he left. Can I ask you something?"  
"Very well."  
"Can you turn people into toads?"  
Gandalf smiled and left.  
"Is that a yes?"  
............  
Once they were changed and had stowed their other clothes they hurried to the Golden Hall. They were both wearing dark shirts and pants, clinched with a belt at the waist, and sturdy boots.  
"We better get horses," Shawn said. "Or I swear I'm not going."  
"Where else would you go?" Jo asked.  
"Shuddup dude."  
"Where have you been?" Aragorn demanded, striding over to them.  
"Hiding from Theoden."  
Aragorn sighed. "I wish you would have told me where you were but I cannot blame you."  
"He's a looney tune."  
"I assume that is a negative thing," Aragorn replied. "Do you know how to ride a horse?"  
"Oh yeah," Shawn answered.  
"Good. Go pick a horse."  
"Hey Shawn. I don't know how to ride," Jo said as they walked outside.  
"You'll learn," Shawn assured. "Cause if you don't you'll have to walk."  
"I was always good at learning."  
Once they'd chosen horses and readied them to leave they went back to the Golden Hall to gather their things. To their surprise, Gimli and Eowny were bent over their duffel bag, whispering to each other.  
"Uh, hi," Jo said.  
Both the woman and the dwarf jumped away from the bag, guilt on their faces.  
"What were you looking for?" Shawn asked, picking up the bag and looking at the contents.  
"It was my fault," Gimli admitted. "I was telling the lady about that candy you gave us and she didn't believe me."  
"The M&Ms?" Jo asked. "There aren't anymore in there I think."  
"Do forgive us," Eowyn said.  
"Oh no problem," Shawn replied. "No big deal."  
"Excuse me," Eowyn said and ran off.  
"We're leaving!"  
...........  
"Hey Shawn!"  
"Yeah?"  
"Can you lose the use of a limb if it stays asleep too long?"  
"I don't know."  
"We're gonna find out," Jo mumbled, moving around in the saddle. "My butt's been asleep for a long time."  
"That's not a limb," Shawn observed. "Doe sit still count?"  
Jo shrugged. "Maybe."  
"I don' think so. You'll just get butt calluses."  
"That's kinda gross."  
"Ladies," Legolas called. He guided his horse over to them. "stay close to me."  
"All righty!" Shawn agreed quickly.  
"I sense an evil presence."  
"Its Wargs. The wolves of Isengard," Jo hissed. "They're going to attack."  
"From that hill. Up there," Shawn said, pointing to their left.  
"Ride to Aragorn and warn him," Legolas said to Jo. "Shawn, come with me and show me where these Wargs are coming from."  
Shawn rode away happily with the Elf and Jo went galloping off to find Aragorn.  
"Aragorn! Wolves! Isenguard!" She caught up with him and lowered her voice. "The Wargs are coming."  
Aragorn nodded. "Where is Shawn?"  
"With Legolas. She's showing him where the Wargs are coming from."  
"Get her and go back to the line. Follow Eowny and be quick about it. Stay with the group!" he shouted as Jo rode off.  
Cursing under her breath Jo stopped and shouted, "Aragorn!" When he turned she said, "Be careful. Especially near the cliff." She turned and rode off, still cursing softly.  
"You warned him, didn't you?" Shawn asked as they hurried to follow the line.  
"Yeah."  
"That means I get to save Haldir. One for one and all that."  
"Sure. No problem."  
"Lookit!! Helm's Deep!" Shawn shouted. "Hella impressive in real life."  
"No kidding."  
*********  
Author's notes:  
  
1. For those of you who are concerned because this is Mary-sueish get over it. Its just a fun little story. If it seems Mary-sueish and you don't like that don't read it. To be honest if something anything remotely like this ever happened I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off and do nothing but panic but that isn't nearly as funny. Simple as that.  
  
2. Did anyone else know that the guy who played Faramir also played Audrey the cross-dressing writer in Moulin Rouge? Weirdness.  
  
3. The thing about the butt calluses is true. Shawn told me all about it. Apparently you get calluses from the saddle. Kinda gross. 


	7. The Other Battle of Helm's Deep

Chapter Seven: The Other Battle of Helm's Deep  
By: Jo-chan  
  
****  
Disclaimer:  
Don't own it. Really wish I did. Maybe Tolkien would let me have Aragorn. ^___^  
****  
  
"Hey Jo!" Shawn shouted.  
Jo's head popped up from behind a stone statue. "Yeah?" she asked, scrambling over a low stone wall.  
"Who built this place?"  
"The Rohirrim I guess. I think this place might have been used during the first war of the Ring but I'm not sure about that."  
"So its pretty old, huh?"  
"Yup."  
"Bet we'll find some pretty cool stuff inside. Can't believe Aragorn still fell off that cliff after you warned him about it."  
"Maybe we really can't change things as much as I thought." Thunder rumbled and Jo looked up with a smile. "Aragorn should show up soon, then the Lorien elves, and then the battle. Then Gandalf should have some time to deal with our problem."  
"Whadda we do after the battle? Where do we go?"  
Jo shrugged. "I'm not sure. After the battle the Rohirrim go to Gondor and Aragorn goes to get the dead people. We'll be going to Gondor."  
"Dead people?"  
"Yeah. I'll explain later. Here comes Gimli."  
"Aragorn must be back."  
"Lassie! Come quick! Aragorn."  
"Has returned," Shawn interrupted.  
Gimli looked at her with awe. "You really can see the future."  
"Yes. Well, let's go see Aragorn," Jo interrupted smoothly.  
They walked to the front hall and greeted Aragorn. Shawn then went to the window and stared outside.  
"What is she looking for?" Aragorn asked Jo.  
"Probably nothing. Think Theoden King wants you," Jo said and scampered of to join Shawn at the window.  
"When exactly do they show up?" Shawn whispered.  
"After everyone gets dressed for battle," Jo answered.  
"How long until that?"  
Jo shrugged. "Legolas will start talking in Elvish about dying after they round up all the kids."  
Shawn grabbed Jo's arm. We can tell them they don't need too. Then all those little boys won't die."  
"We don't even know if the elves are coming. What happens if they don't? They'll be in allot of trouble. And so will we. We can't change stuff around here. We'll make a mistake eventually?"  
"Do they make the boys fight in the book?"  
"Yes."  
"You'll let them die?"  
"We don't have a choice. What if one of the boys who dies doesn't because we stop it? Then he might grow up to be a tyrant or a murderer or something."  
"What if he doesn't?"  
"There's too many 'what if's Shawn."  
"Gotta deal for ya. If the Lorien elves show up we tell Theoden not to sent out those kids."  
"Fine by me."  
"Lookit! There they are!"  
A dark form was slowly moving towards Helm's Deep, banners fluttering in the wind.  
"Go tell Theoden about the kids. And don't say anything about the elves yet. You've got plenty of time before they get here."  
After a short argument with Theoden and another with Gimli Shawn convinced them to not let the little boys fight and hurried off to the main door. Aragorn and Legolas had all ready had their argument and headed outside. Jo and Shawn arrived in time to see Aragorn hug a startled Haldir.  
"You must be the girls my Lady told me about," Haldir said, looking over at them.  
Jo, who was busy trying to hold Shawn back, smiled nervously. "We are....uh, sir."  
Haldir walked over to them. "You must be Jo." He patted her on the head. "And you must be Shawn." He patted her cheek.  
Shawn squeaked and went still.  
"After the battle we will speak more."  
Once Haldir had left with Aragorn and Legolas, Shawn let out a nervous laugh and grabbed Jo. "He touched me!"  
"Yeah. Lemme go."  
"He touched my face!"  
"I saw. Lemme go. You're hurting my ribs."  
"He knows my name!"  
"I need my ribs Shawn! Lemme go!  
.................  
"But Aragorn, I know what I'm talking about."  
"But you can't tell me?" the Ranger demanded.  
Shawn had gone in pursuit of Haldir, leaving Jo to convince Aragorn not to put anyone on the wall that would shortly be exploding.  
"No. I can't. You just have to trust me."  
"And leave a whole wall undefended?"  
"All you really need to do is make sure the Urki's don't climb up."  
"Have you ever been in battle before?"  
"No. But I've been right about everything so far haven't I? I even knew you were going to fall off the cliff."  
Aragorn stopped walking and regarded her seriously for a long moment. "Very well," he said at length. He rested a hand on Jo's head. "I will trust your judgment and pray that you are right." He smiled. "Now go to the caves."  
Jo giggled, blushing. "Okay," she sighed.  
Aragorn chuckled and walked away.  
"Wonder if he'll fit in the duffel bag," Jo mumbled and went to look for Shawn.  
She was being followed around by Theoden who was, as always, demanding news of the future. Both girls were saved from answering by the blow of a horn. All activity on the walls of Helm's Deep stopped suddenly. Everyone turned their eyes from what they were doing and looked out beyond the fortress.  
The Urki's had arrived.  
"Not nearly this scary in the movie theater," Jo mumbled, eyes wide.  
"I wanna go home," Shawn mumbled back.  
"Girls!" Legolas shouted. They looked over at him slowly. "Get inside. Hurry now." Legolas went over to them. "Are you frightened?"  
"Fighting the urge not to run," Jo said, still looking at the mass of Uruk's.  
Legolas chuckled. "Have you never faced battle before?"  
"Fought the ants in my closet once," Shawn answered.  
"Do not worry. Everything will be all right." Legolas lead them to the caves. "Do not fear," he instructed and left.  
Outside the Urki's began to howl.  
"That ain't a rugby match," Shawn mumbled.  
.................  
"I didn't know woman elves came to Helm's Deep," Shawn whispered to Jo.  
Jo sat up. "There weren't any in the movie."  
"They're over there. Looks like they're arguing about something."  
"Hey, come back here. You'll get in trouble."  
"Stop being a baby. Cummon."  
Trying to be inconspicuous they crawled along the rocks until they were close enough to hear what the two elves were arguing about.  
"I told you to keep your hands off," said the taller elf.  
"And I told you he was mine," retorted the shorter elf.  
"They're fighting over a guy?" Jo wondered out loud.  
"I got news for you honey. I'm having his baby!"  
A startled gasp of outrage sounded through the cave.  
"What the crap?" Jo mumbled, looking around.  
"I all ready had his baby!"  
"OHHHHH!!!"  
"Where is that coming from?"  
"And he asked me to marry him!"  
"We're all ready married!"  
The two elves jumped at each other, biting and clawing.  
"Fight! Fight! Fight!"  
"Whose chanting!?" Jo demanded.  
The two elves were raging war across the caves, throwing things and shouting at each other in elvish.  
"You know elvish, right Shawn?"  
"Yeah," Shawn said, bug-eyed with excitement. "This is great entertainment. Wish I had some popcorn."  
"Know any elvish cuss words?"  
"Do now."  
The battle had now reached them. The taller elf reached down, looking for something to throw, and grabbed Jo.  
"This sucks!" she shouted as she sailed through the air.  
...................  
"Lucky for you we had all these band-aides," Shawn said cheerfully.  
"Ha, ha. Yer so funny," Jo mumbled. "My arm stopped bleeding."  
"How do you know when someone has a concussion."  
"I don't have a concussion. Other battle of Helm's Deep. Whose idea was this crap?"  
A loud boom rocked the caves.  
"That was the bomb!" Shawn grabbed Jo and started dragging her. "Cummon! Cummon! We gotta save Haldir!"  
******  
Author's Notes:  
  
1. First and for most let me do a shameless plug for another one of my stories. I posted an original story on fictionpress.net. Its darker than anything I've posted here on ff.net but you might like it. For some reason the web address didn't post so I posted the address in my profile. Please read!!!!  
  
2. As I write this I've begun to think that the Lorien elves showed up after the Uruk-hai army did. I'm a little fuzzy on that part since its not in the book but if they did then I changed it for my purposes.  
  
3. I'd like the thank everyone who has reviewed this fic:  
merhotepbecca-Trumpet and clarinet is an odd combination. BAND NERDS RULE!!  
  
Galawan-Don't worry about Haldir. I'll save him!!!!! ^__^  
  
Legolas Stalker Tay-I'm so glad I'm on your favorites list. That makes me feel really good about myself. And thanks for the encouragement. Are you really going to shave a penguin?  
  
2lazee2signin-I'm glad yer enjoying it and don't worry I'll write more cause I'm not really sure what a marmoset is but I don't want it coming for me. If there's ever anything you don't understand tell me and I'll explain it.  
  
Rowana166-I hope there's nothing wrong with different.  
  
saiyan-girl-cheetah-And how could I ever forget you? My first reviewer!!! *dramatic bow* Thank you so much for the encouragement. *single tear* It really means allot to me. ^____^  
  
4. In the movies the sounds of the Urki army is actually a bunch of rugby fans yelling. Isn't that cool? ^_^  
  
5. The two fighting elves are my friends Holly and Roxy. Who are they fighting over? Not important. It doesn't really matter.  
  
6. Shawn really does know some elvish.  
  
7. If you guys want to send me your email addressing I'll send you an email everytime I update that way you don't have to keep checking back.  
  
Ja ne 


	8. Saving Haldir!

Chapter Eight: Saving Haldir!  
By: Jo-chan  
  
****  
Disclaimer:  
Don't own it.  
****  
  
"Haldir. Haldir. Haldir," Shawn chanted as she dragged Jo down a deserted hallway. "Haldir. Haldir. Haldir."  
"Thank you Peter Jackson," Jo mumbled. "Without your creative genius I wouldn't be in this mess."  
"Yes but without Peter Jackson we wouldn't have eye candy at Helm's Deep or Aragorn singing in the Fellowship."  
"Oh Peter Jackson, I love you!"  
"Haldir. Haldir. Haldir."  
Jo stopped suddenly, forcing Shawn to stop as well. "Before we go gallivanting into a deadly battle don't you think we should prepare ourselves?"  
"Like write a will?"  
"No. Like get some armor so we don't get shot full of arrows."  
"You and your logic," Shawn huffed.  
"Lets go find an armory. We've got lots of time before Theoden calls everyone back."  
After poking around in various rooms and fighting off dust bunnies with a stick they found a room full of armor and weapons.  
"Hope you can find some chain mail in your size," Shawn said cheerfully.  
"Shut up." Jo pulled a shirt of mail out of the pile and pulled it on. "Wish I could have seen Aragorn dress for battle. That was really sexy in the movie."  
"You can always see him undress after the battle. Let's go save Haldir." Chain mail clinking, Shawn dragged a beet red Jo down the hall. "Haldir. Haldir. Haldir"  
"Look. You can see the breached wall."  
The girls stopped at the window and watched the battle.  
"Well, let's go. Gotta save Haldir."  
Jo, who was halfway down the hall by now, stopped.  
"Where are you going?"  
"Uh....to get more band-aides?"  
"That shouldn't sound like a question. Cummon. Haldir. Haldir. Haldir."  
"I'm gonna die," Jo mumbled.  
................  
"This is the worst idea we've ever had!"  
"You promised!"  
"I never said I was backing out! I just said this was a bad idea!"  
The girls shouted at each other over the battle, scanning the mass of fighters for Haldir.  
"I don't wanna die!" Jo shouted.  
"You want a piece of pie?" Shawn shouted back.  
"Oh never mind."  
"What kind?"  
Both girls screamed and jumped away as an arrow flew past them. Shawn grabbed Jo and dragged her closer to the breached wall, crouching behind a pile of rocks.  
"They go beyond the breached wall and Aragorn calls them back, right?" Shawn shouted.  
"Yeah! But you have to wait for Theoden to give the order!"  
"How long 'til he does that?"  
"I have no idea! Stuff takes allot longer around here! This battle lasts until the morning!"  
"What time is it?"  
"Dunno! I took my watch off cause it was too noticeable!"  
"You never go anywhere without that stupid thing! You decide to take it off now!?"  
"Didn't know I was going gallivanting to my death! I would have left it on!"  
An arrow came whizzing through the air, startling the girls. Jo jumped one way and Shawn went another.  
...................  
"Oh crap," Jo mumbled to herself. She glanced around for Shawn but didn't see her. "This is perfect. Not only am I going to die, I'm going to die alone."  
Jo got up and started scrambling along the wall, trying to stay away from the Uruk.  
"Death," someone whispered.  
Jo stopped moving and looked around. She didn't see anything. She shrugged and started walking again.  
"Death."  
"Whose doing that?!" Jo demanded and got no answer.  
"Death."  
Jo whirled around and saw the tall she-elf who had thrown her across the cave. "You! What are you doing?"  
The elf shrugged mutely, looking around as if she were confused.  
"Cut it out and go away.  
"Death," the elf whispered.  
"I said cut it out!"  
"Cake or death?" the elf whispered.  
"Can I have the chicken?"  
...............  
"Hey Jo?" Shawn asked. When she didn't get an answer she shrugged. "Haldir. Haldir. Haldir."  
She hurried to the breached wall, watching the elves she passed forlornly. 'I'll come back and grope you later,' she promised silently and grinned.  
Shawn reached the wall and crouched behind a piece of rock. She spotted Haldir and almost jumped at him but forced herself to wait until they were called back.  
Aragorn started yelling in elvish and Haldir turned and nodded. Shawn sprang from her hiding spot and grabbed Haldir. The arrow that was supposed to kill him clattered harmlessly to the ground.  
"Shawn?" Haldir and Aragorn asked at the same time.  
Shawn, who was groping Haldir, grinned. "I saved you!"  
"I owe you my life," Haldir said, slightly dazed.  
"Where I come from if someone saves your life you have to become their servant," Shawn said cheerfully. "Its only proper.  
"Hey!" You saved him!" Jo hurried toward them.  
"What are you two doing out here?!" Aragorn demanded.  
Shawn held up a sign that read: saving=groping. Jo grabbed it away before anyone could read it.  
"Haldir was going to die. Shawn went to save him and I followed," Jo explained.  
"You are both lucky you are not shot full of arrows! At least you had the sense to put on mail," Aragorn groused. He grabbed Jo's arm. "Get that one, would you?" he asked Haldir, gesturing at Shawn.  
Shawn glopped Haldir, who had almost died and had yet to recover.  
"Back to the caves," Aragorn ordered.  
************  
1. I love Peter Jackson.  
2. I LOVE ARAGORN SINGING!!!!!!!!!!  
3. Cake or death is a skit done by a very funny transvestite comedian. Its now an inside joke.  
4. First of all, hi Shawn. When are you coming back? You gotta come Holly-sit with me tomorrow. Second of all it never said 'ride it Aragorn' it always said 'ride to Aragorn'. Shows you were Shawn's mind is. The yellow notepad is almost done for Shawn. I've only got five pages left. And don't bother bribing me with soda. I gave them up for Lent. . Anyway come Holly sit with me and I'll write more. If you don't I won't. ^___^ And Fenry isn't dead. Don't scare me like that. 


	9. The End of Helm's Deep

Chapter Nine: The End of Helm's Deep or I can't think of a title  
By: Jo-chan  
  
******  
Disclaimer: Don't own it  
******  
  
"Both of you sit down and don't move until I tell you!" Aragorn shouted.  
Shawn started chuckling and Jo started coughing into her hands.  
Aragorn looked like he was going to start yelling and stormed away to bar the door.  
Haldir took Shawn's hand, kissed it, ad hurried back to the battle.  
Jo jumped away from Shawn, fearing the furious glomp that was sure to come. "I just risked my life," Jo chuckled.  
"He kissed me!"  
"That was kinda fun. Let's do it again."  
"He kissed me!"  
Jo got up, looking around for Aragorn. Not seeing him, she scrambled off the stone wall she'd been sitting on. "Cummon," she said, dragging Shawn off the wall.  
"Aragorn'll yell at us."  
"So what? He's not nearly as scary as an Uruk." She trotted off to a window and stuck her head out. "The sun's coming up!"  
A light bulb appeared above Shawn's head.  
"Theoden king!" she shouted.  
Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned around to look at Shawn. Theoden smiled in anticipation and Aragorn's jaw clenched in anger.  
"Behold! Gandalf the white rides to battle with Eomer and the Eorlings!" Shawn declared and pointed to the window with a sweeping gesture.  
"Now is the time to ride into battle together," Aragorn said to Theoden. "I'll deal with the two of you later," he hissed at the girls.  
Shawn gulped.  
"He's sexy when he's mad," Jo said happily.  
...............  
The rest of the battle went quickly and without incident. When it was over there was a large celebration that went on into the night. Most everyone got drunk beyond all recognition and passed out where ever they happened to be.  
To Shawn's delight elves could in fact get drunk and the very happy teenager spent the day getting Haldir drunk beyond all belief.  
"So I have to be your servant?" Haldir asked Shawn as she filled his cup with liquor again. He took a sip and hiccuped.  
"That's how things are done where I come from," Shawn answered. "But if you don't want to, I understand."  
Haldir scrunched his nose thoughtfully. "You saved my life and my honor demands that I repay the favor." Haldir smiled drunkenly. "And why would anyone want to leave a pretty girl like you?" Haldir patted Shawn's cheek and passed out on the table.  
Shawn chuckled and dragged him away, passing Jo in the process.  
Jo gave her friend a thumbs-up and went to sit with Gandalf.  
"Where is Shawn going?" the old man asked.  
"To snog Haldir I guess," Jo answered indifferently.  
Gandalf gave her a confused, thoughtful look. "Now, back to the problem at hand. You two do not belong here and your presence has raised many questions."  
Jo began to chuckle.  
"Have you been drinking?"  
"No," Jo answered and watched the tall she-elf from earlier drag a protesting Legolas away. "Any ideas about how to get us home?"  
The old wizard stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Not a single one." He waited for Jo to pull herself back into her seat before continuing. "But I have hardly had time to think about it. We must move to Isengard now and I will think about it as we go. In the meantime you and Shawn had better stop changing things.  
Jo suddenly became very interested in the items on the table and Gandalf sighed.  
"Get some rest. We will be moving out tomorrow. And I would continue to avoid Aragorn if I were you," he added as Jo stood. "He's been hunting you down."  
Jo gulped and went to look for a place to hide.  
...........  
"What's with the sore look?" Shawn asked Jo.  
"Spent the night sleeping under a table," Jo answered and frowned at her friend. "Where'd you get the clothes? And who braided your hair?"  
"Haldir," Shawn squealed.  
"I spend the night running from a pissy Aragorn and you get gifts from elves," Jo mumbled.  
"Speaking of pissy, here he comes. With Haldir!" Shawn scampered off to Haldir and glomped his arm again.  
Aragorn smiled at Jo when he reached her. "I have realized that while your actions were reckless and irresponsible you have done us a great service and I apologize for my behavior." He bowed deeply and, straightening, held a cloth bundle out to Jo. "I thought that if Lorien could have a far-seer, Gondor could have one as well. Would you do me the honor of wearing the crest of Gondor?"  
"Okay," Jo giggled.  
"We'll be right back," Shawn assured and dragged her blushing, drooling friend away before she could make a fool of herself.  
..............  
"It seems you have made many good friends," Gimli said to the girls, looking at their new clothing.  
"Oh, they're good all right," Shawn chuckled. "Legolas looks tired," she added. "And disheveled."  
The elf glanced over his should nervously and rode away from Helm's Deep.  
"Theoden is going too?" Shawn mumbled. "We'll never get any piece and quiet."  
"But Haldir's coming too so I guess you gotta take the good with the bad."  
"Yea! Haldir!' Shawn cheered and rode over to him.  
"Maybe I should tell Legolas about the Ents," Jo mumbled to herself. "Might take his mid off his recent....problems. Hey Legolas! Wait up!"  
  
*****************  
1. Shawn, just because I'm writing something for someone else doesn't meaning I'm cheating on you.  
2. Awwwwww. Poor Legolas. He got molested. ^_^  
3. About my spelling errors. I do use a spell checker but I guess it doesn't catch them all. Sorry. And a mini-balrog sounds like fun. ^_^ 


	10. Going to Isenguard Takes a Long Time

Chapter Ten: Going to Isenguard Takes a Long Time  
  
By: Jo-chan  
  
*****  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it and I'm REALLY, REALLY sorry this took so long. Don't throw rotten fruit at me please. *hides behind desk*  
  
****  
  
"We've been here for two weeks," Jo mumbled. "Wonder whats going on at home."  
  
"Maybe we'll pull a Fushigi Yuugi and show up five minutes after we left," Shawn answered.  
  
"What happens if we don't? What if time goes by faster there then it does here? What if we show up five years after we left? What do we tell people?"  
  
"We went to Baja, Mexico."  
  
Jo sighed. "I'll think of something when we get there." Jo tugged at her horses reins, making it stop.  
  
"Whatcha lookin' at?" Shawn asked, stopping her horse as well.  
  
"The forest is moving," Jo answered.  
  
"Have you gone crazy?"  
  
"Its the other Ents. Heurons or whatever they're called the wild trees."  
  
"Wild trees?"  
  
"Yeah. They're dangerous if an Ent isn't around to watch them. They're all going to Isenguard. Wonder if its been flooded yet."  
  
"Kinda starting to with I finished all the books," Shawn mumbled.  
  
"Well, the Heurons go to Isenguard to help destroy it. They guard the city too. They stand like a fence around it. Merry and Pip are there with them."  
  
"Forgot about the Hobbits," Shawn said, watching the trees. "What happens when we get to Isenguard?"  
  
"Head to Gondor with Gandalf. Aragorn, Leoglas, and Gimli go to get the dead people."  
  
"What dead people?"  
  
"There's this door in a mountain or something like that and inside of it are these spirits. They're this group of people that promised to protect Gondor back during the First War of the Ring but they broke their promise. That's why they're spirits. They have to keep their promise before they can rest."  
  
Shawn uttered a low whistle. "Remind me to never make a promise to anyone around here."  
  
"No kidding. Anyway, Gandalf finds Merry and Pip in Isenguard and they he goes to Gondor. We'll be going with him. I've seen enough stuff around here to last me a lifetime of nightmares."  
  
"Wussie," Shawn said softly.  
  
"Shut up. You won't even ride a roller coaster."  
  
"Neither will you."  
  
"Oh yeah," Jo said thoughtfully. "And I'm afraid of planes. Never mind. I forgot what I was talking about."  
  
Shawn gazed at her with a bemused smile. "Have you been out in the sun too long?"  
  
"I don't think so," Jo mumbled. "My butt is asleep again. Eventually its going to fall off. I'll be the butt-less wonder." She paused. "Maybe I have been out in the sun too long."  
  
"That's what I'm thinking. If we get home five years after we left do we have to go back to high school?"  
  
"Doubt it."  
  
"I'm beginning to find more and more reasons to stay here for awhile."  
  
"Me too," Jo admitted. "Hopefully I'll get back after the AP tests are issued. That would be great."  
  
"If we miss graduation do we still graduate?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"We're just babbling to ourselves aren't we?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Oh well," Shawn sighed. "I hope Mom remembers to feed Diana."  
  
"I can imagine it now. 'My daughter and her friend disappeared strangely in the night with their baggage. Where's the dog food?'"  
  
"Make you into dog food," Shawn mumbled. "And feed you to a horse."  
  
Jo glanced at her and nudged her horse to the side a few inches. "You're starting to scare me dude."  
  
Shawn rubbed her forehead. "Sorry. Need Diet Coke."  
  
"That explains everything," Jo groused. "How long have we been doing this?"  
  
"Babbling?"  
  
"No riding. We've been out here forever."  
  
"I dunno. A couple of hours. Hey Haldir?"  
  
"Yes, my lady."  
  
Shawn grinned broadly. "How long does it take to get to Isenguard?"  
  
"About four full days riding but we won't make you ladies ride at night so it will take about eight days."  
  
"Eight days?" Shawn asked in surprise.  
  
Jo fell off her horse in shock. "Getting to Isenguard takes a long time."  
  
***************  
  
1. Okay, I know its been a long time. Three months in fact. Whoa, didn't realize it had been that long. Anyway I've been going through a bunch of stuff lately. My doctor thinks I'm crazy and put me on Lexapro, and went through a serious period of depression, then I graduated and now I'm trying to get a job. Life needs to leave me alone for a while. Don't be too mad okay? I'll write more. I promise. *ducks rotten fruit* 


	11. Enter the Hobbits

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Jo-chan  
  
*****  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Eleven: Enter the Hobbit(s)  
  
"What now?" Jo asked. "We've sang the entire sound track to Aladdin, the Lion King, and Mulan."  
  
"Light my candle?" Shawn asked.  
  
"I'm not singing Rent with you."  
  
"How come?" Shawn whinnied.  
  
"Cause it gets stuck in my head for weeks. Aren't there any other Disney movies we know?"  
  
"We could recite the Emperor's New Groove."  
  
"Too many characters."  
  
"The Full Monty?"  
  
"You don't need anymore dirty thoughts in your head."  
  
Shawn shrugged. "We should be there pretty soon."  
  
"I hope so. I wish I had a pillow or one of those rubber donuts," Jo said ruefully, rubbing her butt. "I'm never going to be able to sit down properly again."  
  
"Crap that's a huge tower. Didn't look that big at the theature," Shawn exclaimed.  
  
The rest of their party turned around to stare at the two girls, surprise on their faces.  
  
"That is Isenguard," Legolas said.  
  
"I have the distinct feeling that were being watched," Haldir said softly.  
  
"Oh that's just the trees," Shawn assured.  
  
"The trees can watch us?" Gimli asked.  
  
"They're not normal trees. They're Heurons. Sort of like Ents but more dangerous."  
  
"And what do you know of Ents?" a voice suddenly boomed.  
  
Jo's horse bucked in fear and she ended up falling to the ground. "Wish I really did have foresight," she mumbled softly to herself. "Then stuff like this wouldn't happen to me all the time."  
  
"That tree spoke!" Haldir exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah," Jo said, getting to her feet.  
  
The tree a few feet from Jo suddenly lifted its roots and walked closer to the traveling group.  
  
"Are you Treebeard?" Jo asked.  
  
"I am."  
  
"Did you bring two hobbits here?"  
  
"I did."  
  
"At least somethings going right around here."  
  
"Lets go inside," Shawn suggested.  
  
**************  
  
Everyone rode into Isenguard, except for Treebeard and Jo, who insisted on walking her horse.  
  
"You could at least pretend to be sorry," Jo grumbled to the horse. "That really hurt."  
  
The horse ignored her.  
  
"You know where I come from horses like you are made into glue."  
  
"Do you speak the language of horses?" Treebeard boomed.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Then you are just mumbling at the horse?"  
  
"I've been out here a very long time. Sometimes I think I smell hamburgers."  
  
"What is a hamburger?"  
  
"Its a type of food. They serve it all the time where I'm from. I can still hear the grease sizzling."  
  
"Perhapse you should rest in the shade."  
  
"I'm fine. Just hungry. Oh cheeseburger how I long for thee. I'd kill to get some chile cheese fries. I'd even settle for school food."  
  
"You are very strange," Treebeard observed.  
  
'Hello Kettle? Yes, you're black,' Jo thought wirly. She allowed the horse to lead her back to the group.  
  
"Lookit Jo!" Shawn exclaimed. "A hobbit!" Dangling from her arms was Pippin. "They're so little and cute! Can I keep him?"  
  
"Of course you can't. He's a person not a dog."  
  
"But he's so little!"  
  
"Hi!" Pip said happily, waving one hand.  
  
"Hi," Jo said back, shaking her head. "If you can get him to fit in the duffel bag you can keep him."  
  
"Yea!"  
  
"But you're gonna be carrying it."  
  
Shawn pouted and put the hobbit down. "Maybe later."  
  
Jo nodded and turned to look at the tower.  
  
"What has happened here?" Haldir asked no one in particular.  
  
"The Ents flooded it with the river that's over there," Shawn explained, pointing. "Then they tried to destroy the tower but it didn't work. Got some kind of juju on it or something."  
  
"Juju?" Haldir asked.  
  
"How do you know all this?" Treebeard boomed.  
  
"We've got foresight," Shawn said proudly.  
  
"What is this juju?" Haldir asked again.  
  
"Well, its magic. There's good juju and bad juju and this place is full of it."  
  
"Full of bad juju?" Haldir questioned.  
  
"Yup," Shawn answered. "It'll probably never be knocked over."  
  
"At least not until the ring is destroyed," Jo added.  
  
"Have you seen it?" Aragorn asked eagerly. "The destruction of the ring?"  
  
"Nooooo," Jo and Shawn said in unison. They quickly became very interested in the scuffs on their new shoes.  
  
Gandalf shook his head at the two girls. "Let's head to the tower," he called to the group. "You two stay here with the hobbits. All four of you stay out of trouble."  
  
"Who us?" all four asked in unison.  
  
They watched the group ride off to the tower and looked at each other.  
  
"What now?" Jo asked.  
  
"We've got food," Merry said.  
  
"Lead the way!" Shawn cheered, picking Pippin. up again and trotting away with him. 


	12. The All Purpose Filter Chapter

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, okay I know its been a really, really long time again. Its been yet another month without an update and this really isn't going to make many people all that happy. And the reason for that is that this isn't really an update. Its more like the all purpose filter chapter. I swear the next chapter will get the story back on track. this is just to lead into it. Thanks for sticking with me!  
  
****  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Probably never will.  
  
****  
  
Chapter Twelve: The All-Purpose Filler  
  
After the remaining members of the Fellowship expected the tower of Isenguard and found that they was nothing remaining that could pose a threat to them they decided that it would be best to stop for the day and get some rest.  
  
"Jo! Shawn!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
Jo and Shawn looked up from the fallen slab of stone where they were teaching Pippin and Merry how to play Speed with a pack of cards that Merry had found in one of the bags.  
  
"Yeah?" Shawn shouted back.  
  
"Ride out to the river and get some water! And take the hobbits with you!"  
  
"Now?" Merry shouted.  
  
"Yes now!"  
  
"Right now right now?" Jo asked.  
  
"Go!" the soon-to-be-king-of-Gondor bellowed and both girls scrambled to get to their horses, the hobbits not far behind them.  
  
"Dang he's scary," Shawn mumbled, forcing her horse into a fast trot.  
  
Jo wasn't far behind her, with Pippin clinging to her waist tightly.  
  
"Ladies!"  
  
"Haldir!" Shawn cheered. "You coming to protect us?"  
  
"Yes I am my dear lady. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you. Either of you."  
  
"The only thing that's going to try and kill me around here is this horse," Jo mumbled. She looked down to see the horse giving her the evil eye. "Hey Shawn! Do me a favor?"  
  
"Wha?"  
  
"When we get to the river I want you to spit on my head."  
  
"Whatever," Shawn mumbled. She knew that asking would lead to a lengthy explanation and it was just much easier to do as she said.  
  
"Why do you want her to spit on you?" Haldir asked, clearly confused.  
  
"This horse is giving me the ojo."  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"The evil eye. Its putting a curse on me. I need Shawn to get rid of it. Don't ask me why it works. I'm not even sure it does. I just don't wanna take any chances."  
  
"Oh. Quite right milady," Haldir answered, thinking to himself that all people from their land must be this strange.  
  
They arrived at the river and dismounted. Well, except for Jo. As soon as Pippin jumped to the ground, the horse reared and spilled Jo to the ground.  
  
"You wanker!" she shouted at it as it wandered down to the river.  
  
The hobbits bounded off the gather the water, refusing to allow the girl's to do man's work, and Haldir stood halfway down the hill so that he could keep an eye on both the girls and the hobbits. Jo and Shawn lounged in the shade; Jo lad down in the grass while Shawn leaned up against a nearby tree.  
  
"Chim-chimeny chim-chimeny. Chim-chim-chero. Who needs Anelka when we got Kanu?" Jo sang softly to herself, propping her head up on her arms.  
  
Shawn glared at her.  
  
"Go down the field again. Just one more goal. No other team can fight like the boys in red and white. Never let their Glory fade. Long may they reign. So let us all give out with  
  
up the Gunners, up the Gunners Goal."  
  
"We're on the march, we're Fergies army. We're all going to Wembley, and we'll really shake 'em up. When we win the F.A. cup, coz United are the greatest football team," Shawn sang softly to herself, her eyes on Jo.  
  
Jo eyes narrowed.  
  
"Good old Arsenal! Good old Arsenal! We're proud to say that name! And while we sing this song, we'll win the game!" Jo sang a little louder than necessary.  
  
"From the banks of the River Irwell! To the shores of Sicily! We will fight, fight, fight, for United! 'Till we win the Football League! To hell with Liverpool! To hell with Man City - (they're shit!)! We will fight, fight, fight, for United 'till we win the Football League!" Shawn shouted at the top of her lungs.  
  
Jo rolled over and sat up, staring at Shawn. Shawn stared back. Blue laser sparks flew from their eyes and collided in mid-air.  
  
"We're gonna win the league! We're gonna win the league! And now you're gonna believe us, and now you're gonna believe us, and now you're gonna believe us!!!!! We're gonna win the league!!!!!!!!!" the girl sang at the same time and fell over backwards.  
  
"Where did you say they were from?" Merry asked Haldir.  
  
"I have no idea," Haldir answered.  
  
***************  
  
Author's Note: I told you it wasn't a real chapter. I just threw it in there to make it easier to go into the next chapter. That and to shamelessly plug my favorite soccer team. The Barclaycard English Premier league started up again and I'm rooting for Arsenal all the way!  
  
YYYYEEEEAAAA ARSENAL!!!!!!!!!!  
  
And Shawn supports Manchester United. That's all I'm going to say.  
  
And this is for Holly who supports Newcastle United cause she's such a good friend.  
  
If you want to get to heaven when you die,  
  
If you want to get to heaven when you die,  
  
wear a Black and White Bonnet  
  
With Newcastle wriitn on it,  
  
if you want to getto heaven when you die.  
  
And this is for Roxy who supports Liverpool cause she's also such a good friend.  
  
When you walk through a storm,  
  
Hold your head up high,  
  
And don't be afraid of the dark.  
  
At the end of a storm,  
  
There's a golden sky,  
  
And the sweet silver song of a lark.  
  
Walk on through the wind,  
  
Walk on through the rain,  
  
Though your dreams be tossed and blown..  
  
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,  
  
And you'll never walk alone...  
  
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,  
  
And you'll never walk alone...  
  
You'll never walk alone.  
  
I love that song. Its so pretty.  
  
Anyway thanks for sticking with me and I promise I'll have a new chapter out real soon. Honest. As always please review! The more reviews I get the quicker I'll get a new chapter out! 


	13. The Ominious Music Begins

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
Author's Notes: Okay so been awhile AGAIN since I updated but I'm here and I'm doing it and I promise I'll try to pick up the pace soon. I've been doing allot of writing lately and I felt inspired to do this. So here it is. The story is finally back on track. Enjoy and please review!  
  
****  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it.  
  
****  
  
Chapter Thirteen: The Ominous Music Begins  
  
"I can't believe we didn't go with them," Shawn huffed.  
  
"Would you be quiet?" Jo asked. "I'm trying to sleep."  
  
"How can you sleep?" Shawn asked, rolling over and poking Jo in the side.  
  
"I can't with you poking me like that."  
  
"They're getting away!"  
  
"They'll be back," Jo assured. "They just have to go get the dead people."  
  
"I can't believe you're letting my poor elfy baby go get a bunch of dead people," Shawn wailed, wrapping her hands around Jo's neck and thumping her head against the ground. "Ghosts eat people! Haven't you watched Poltergeist?"  
  
"Yes but you haven't."  
  
"There's a reason why I don't watch scary movies!"  
  
"Leave me alone and let me get some sleep," Jo said, pulling Shawn's hands away from her neck. "I know what's going on. They're going to get back here just fine."  
  
"What if they don't!?!"  
  
"Is something wrong my ladies?" Pippin asked, crawling over to the girls.  
  
"Shawn has gone nutters and won't let me sleep," Jo grumbled, pulling her penguin blanket over her head.  
  
"What if something happens to Haldir!?"  
  
"You shouldn't be worried about them milady. They are all fierce warriors. No ill will befall them," Pippin assured.  
  
Jo sat up suddenly, wide awake. "You took it from him, didn't you?" she asked, staring at Pippin.  
  
Pippin's face went deadly white.  
  
"Give it back!" Jo hissed, glancing at the sleeping Gandalf. "Quick! And don't touch it too much!"  
  
"Give what? Touch what?" Shawn asked, forgetting to thump Jo's head on the ground for the moment.  
  
"The palantir," Jo hissed, lowering her voice to keep Gandalf from hearing.  
  
"How did you know?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Uh hello! I can see the future," Jo said. "Give it back now before you get us in allot of trouble."  
  
"Yeah give it back," Shawn urged. "Or he'll turn us into toads."  
  
"Toads?" Pippin gulped and winced when the girls nodded in unison. "Let's go give it back."  
  
The girls and Pippin crawled back to Gandalf quietly.  
  
"Just put it next to him," Jo whispered.  
  
Pippin nodded and pulled the palantir from his pocket. The young hobbits hands shook as he handled it and it slipped from his hands.  
  
Everyone watched, in horror, as it slid down the hill that they had camped on for the night.  
  
Without a sound they took off after it, running down the hill at break neck speed.  
  
"Catch it!" Shawn shouted as quietly as she could.  
  
"How?" Jo asked.  
  
"Jump on it!"  
  
Pippin did as Shawn suggested and ended up sliding a few feet down the hill. Jo tripped over him and Shawn tripped over her and they ended up in a tangled mess on the ground.  
  
"I got it," Pippin wheezed.  
  
"Fabulous," Jo said, pushing Shawn's foot away from her face. "Be careful not to touch it allot. Wrap it up in your jacket."  
  
Pippin did as she suggested and everyone sat up, enjoying the fact that they'd managed to get themselves out of trouble yet again.  
  
"Its kinda pretty, isn't it?" Shawn asked.  
  
"Don't look at it!" Jo shouted and tried to pull Shawn back.  
  
Pippin did the same thing, pulling the palantir back. Shawn sat forward to see it better and Jo toppled over her shoulder, crushing Pippin to the ground. All three ended up with their noses right next to the palantir.  
  
"This can't be good," Jo mumbled and was pulled into the palantir.  
  
All three screamed at the same time, in fear of the great eye.  
  
"What are you doing?" Gandalf bellowed.  
  
Everyone screamed again but this time in fear of the wizard. They all turned to run but were stopped when Gandalf struck the ground with his staff.  
  
"What did you see?" he demanded.  
  
"The big eye," Jo answered quickly.  
  
"Yeah it looks like it needs some eye drops or something."  
  
"Did it say anything?"  
  
"Nope," all three answered in unison.  
  
Gandalf studied them for a long moment in silence. Then he nodded and picked up the palantir, stowing it carefully in his robe pocket. "I suggest you all go back to bed and stop pick pocketing," he added, looking at Pippin.  
  
Pippin shrunk back, hiding behind Jo.  
  
"Bed!"  
  
"Yes sir!"  
  
"Going to bed!"  
  
"Quite sleepy!"  
  
**********  
  
Oi so there it is. I'm done. Next chapter should be out soon. I'm almost done. *single tear* Its been a long strange journey and its almost at its close. Guess that means I'll have to start another humor fic. I've got one on fictionpress.com all ready so I guess I don't really have to start a new one. *shrugs* And there's the thank you list to everyone that's reviewed my most recent chapter.  
  
I want to thank Violet-928, carebear25, Fiwen2, Alina11, PrincessEvenstar, Ainu Larie, and sugaricing. Thanks very much you guys!!!!! And for all you people out there you are reading and not review (I know you're there) a plague upon your house!!! ^___^ Ja until the next chappy. 


	14. Operation: BabySit Faramir

Vacationing In Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
Author's Notes: Whoooooo!!!! Two chapters in one day. I'm on a roll. I might have written a third but I have another story that I need to update. Maybe if I get done with the chapter for Cheapest Room I'll write another one. Or I might write another chapter for CR. I'm not sure yet. I also have a Spriggan fic and a Gundam fic that need some working. I think my jersey has some kind of muse in it or something. Ever since I got it I've been writing allot allot. Well on with the chapter cause I know people have been waiting on me.  
  
Major crazy spoilers in this one mates. If you haven't finished the books or are waiting for the movie to come out you might not want to read this part. I'm pretty much going to out line exactly what happens. You've been warned.  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Never will. My therapist helped with that one.  
  
***  
  
Chapter Fourteen: Operation: Baby-sit Faramir  
  
"Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything."  
  
"We don't do anything but lie around."  
  
"And if you ask us to do anything."  
  
"We'll just tell you we don't do anything."  
  
"What are you singing?" Gandalf asked, glancing back at the girls.  
  
"Is it a folk song from your home land?" Pippin asked from his place riding double with Jo.  
  
"Ah sure," Shawn said flippantly.  
  
"You must have strong warriors in your land if you aren't afraid of pirates," Pippin said. "My grandfather used to tell me horror stories about roving pirates and bandits."  
  
"Well, a singing pea doesn't exactly strike fear into my heart," Jo mumbled, staring up at the cloudy sky.  
  
"Pardon my lady?" Pippin asked. "A singing what?"  
  
"Oh nothing. How far is Minas Tirith?"  
  
"Not far. You should be able to see it over the next hill."  
  
"That's a relief," Shawn said. "This saddle is chafing my."  
  
"Hey! There it is!" Jo shouted.  
  
"...."  
  
Pippin clicked his tongue.  
  
"What now you three?" Gandalf scoffed.  
  
"Oh, well," Shawn mumbled. "Its just not that impressive."  
  
"This city has been under siege for a long time! How do you expect it to look?! You children get down to that city now!"  
  
"Right-o!"  
  
"Yes sir!"  
  
They spurred their horses and hurried down the hill to the besieged city.  
  
*********  
  
Upon entering the city Gandalf and Pippin rode off to meet Denethor, advising Jo and Shawn to follow a small boy to some apartments.  
  
"I'm glad we don't have to meet any more kings," Jo said, tossing her duffel bag on to one of the bed.  
  
"Me too. I'm tired off hiding in stables. And Haldir isn't here to protect me." Shawn pouted and tossed herself onto one of the beds. "When are they coming back?"  
  
"Won't be long. They'll." Jo stopped suddenly, her face paling.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The Nazgul are going to come here."  
  
"They do that in the Two Towers."  
  
"In the movie they do but in the book they don't. Faramir is going to come back after setting Frodo free. We have to save him!"  
  
"Save him?"  
  
"Yeah. Okay look. Denethor is going to go crazy because he's got a hidden palantir. Faramir is gong to be sick cause he's been around the Nazgul too much and Denethor is going to try to light him on fire. In the book Gandalf stops him but he's almost too late and Denethor kills himself."  
  
"If nothing happens to Faramir then who do we need to save?"  
  
"We need to protect Faramir. Look Aragorn comes and saves him but what if we changed stuff too much all ready? We need to look after him for awhile. At least until Aragorn gets here."  
  
"And how exactly do we do that?"  
  
Jo shrugged. "I dunno. Follow him or something."  
  
"And you don't think he'll think its weird that the two of us are following him around?"  
  
The door opened suddenly and Pippin rushed in.  
  
"Denethor King wants one of you."  
  
"You go," Jo said.  
  
"I don't wanna!"  
  
"Warn Gandalf about Denethor's palantir. Tell him the guy is going nuts. I've got the Gondor clothing that Aragorn gave me. I'll blend in better. When yer done with the king run away with Pippin. It'll be easier to get lost in a crowd then it was in Rohan.:  
  
"Fine," Shawn mumbled, following Pippin out the door.  
  
"And find us a place to hide. It won't be long before the Nazgul show up!"  
  
"Nazgul?" Pippin squeaked and the door closed.  
  
Jo changed quickly into the clothing Aragorn had presented her with and left her room, hurrying into the heart of the city.  
  
"This place looks worse than my living room after my brothers get home."  
  
The sound of a trumpet fanfare near the city gate caught Jo's attention and she hurried off in that direction. "What's going on?" she asked, pushing her way through a crowd.  
  
"The prince has returned," someone answered.  
  
"Ha ha. Found you."  
  
Jo trailed Faramir and his honor guard as they made their way through the city and then up to the palace where Denethor sat with Gandalf, waiting for his son. Jo ran up the steps and waited until Faramir's guards had fallen back before approaching him.  
  
"Lord Faramir?"  
  
Faramir turned, looking tired and ill. "Who are you?"  
  
"Uh, I'm a stranger from distant lands. Gandalf asked me and my friend to come here because we have a special gift."  
  
"What kind of gift?" Faramir asked, weary but interested.  
  
"I can see the future."  
  
Faramir's eye brows raised. "Where did you get your clothing?"  
  
"It was a gift given by Aragorn."  
  
"Aragorn?" Faramir asked with a chuckled. "The Ranger?"  
  
"Yes. He gave it to me before our paths split after the battle at Helm's Deep."  
  
"You were at Helm's Deep?"  
  
"I was my lord and I swore my alligence to Gondor."  
  
"Do you have news of the future to give me?"  
  
"I do but your father is waiting."  
  
"Yes he is," Faramir said heavily. "Come. Walk with me and I will go to meet my father." Faramir waved his honor guard aside and gestured for Jo to walk at his side. "Do you know how this war will end, my young friend?"  
  
"There are many outcomes my lord," Jo answered, trying to sound vague and intelligent at the same time. "And all can be altered by a single action from any one person."  
  
"So your gift is not as useful as many would like to believe," Faramir said with a cynical chuckle.  
  
"Yes my lord," Jo answered with a laugh.  
  
They entered the throne room and Jo hurried to Shawn's side.  
  
"What did Gandalf say about Denethor?"  
  
"Too bad he doesn't look more like his brother," Shawn said, following Faramir with her eyes.  
  
"Focus please!"  
  
"He said to go ahead and follow Faramir around but to be careful."  
  
"Not to change anything," they said in unison.  
  
"Like we haven't changed enough just by being here," Shawn mumbled. "Oh, I found a place for us to hide."  
  
"Great. Where?"  
  
"Horse stable."  
  
"Go with what you know works," Jo mumbled with a shrug. "Is Denethor as crazy about the whole seeing the future thing as Theoden was?"  
  
"Nope. We're not going to have to deal with that when he gets back are we?"  
  
"Uh....not really. He's not coming back."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"He's going to die outside the city," Jo whispered.  
  
"He's going to wait!?!"  
  
"Shut up will you?" Jo hissed as everyone turned to look at them. "You want to get us into more trouble or something?"  
  
"What's going on?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Nothing. Just the future," Shawn said, petting the hobbit. "Can't believe they knighted you."  
  
"Me neither," Pippin answered.  
  
"Looks like Faramir just told his dad about Frodo," Shawn said, watching the king rant and rail.  
  
"Frodo? Is he all right?"  
  
"Yeah. He's fine. Don't worry about him too much," Shawn assured. "If he keeps yelling like that that vein in his forehead is going to pop. Two to one odds?"  
  
"A quarter bet?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Pippin looked at the two girls in confusion but shook his head. They came from a strange and distant land. It wasn't his place to judge those who could see the future.  
  
"I'm gonna go follow Faramir around and make sure his dad doesn't try to light him on fire. You," Jo pointed at Pippin, "stick around with that crazy bugger Denethor."  
  
"And I'll go hunt down Haldir," Shawn said cheerfully. "Fine fine," she sighed when Shawn glared at her. "I'll go see if Gandalf has found a way to send us home."  
  
"Great. See ya later," Jo said and ran after Faramir as he left the room.  
  
*********  
  
That's another chapter. I like this one allot for some reason. It might just be large amounts of Pepsi flowing threw my veins but whatever. Its all good. Two chapters in one day. I hope people are impressed/proud. I know I am. This fic is coming to an end. I might be done with it by the end of the month. Won't that be surprising. Just a few more chapters. ^____^ *dances*  
  
And here's the thank you list!!! Thanks to Mellon1 and Chrystyna!! I've gotten almost sixty reviews on this one. I'm so proud. Let's see if we can break a hundred!!!! Please ^____^ 


	15. The Ominious Music Continues

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
Author's Notes: Well, this is the third update in three days. I'm not sure what's pushing me to update so much but I don't think anyone is really going to call me on that one. So here's yet another chapter. There should only be three left unless I throw a bunch of stuff together. Which I might just do cause I don't wanna go to far into stuff cause I'm not really sure about some of the details. So here we go.  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: Fifteen chapters and it still isn't mine.  
  
***  
  
Chapter Fifteen: The Ominious Music Continues  
  
"Lord Faramir!" Jo shouted, scrambling after him. "Lord Faramir!"  
  
Faramir turned to look at her.  
  
"I'm Jo. We meet earlier. I can see the future."  
  
"Oh right. Did you need something?"  
  
"Well, I, um, kinda...wanted to talk to you about...uh..."  
  
"Is some evil going to befall me? Is this way you insist on standing beside me?"  
  
"Not much gets by you does it my lord?"  
  
"What have you seen befalling me?"  
  
"Uh, well. Yer going to get sick and Aragorn is going to save your life."  
  
"If he is going to save me then why must you follow me?"  
  
Jo's face went blank and she desperately tried to think of a reason. "The future is fickle and revealing too much can shift the focus of all events."  
  
"In other words you don't want to tell me."  
  
"Exactly. So can I shadow your every move?"  
  
"If you can keep up."  
  
"I sure can try!"  
  
Jo followed Faramir as closely as she could.  
  
"Your legs are too short."  
  
"Shawn?" Jo whirled around. I thought I told you...Yer not Shawn. Yer that elf from Helm's Deep! The one that threw me into the fight! I've still got bandages on my legs from you!"  
  
"Cake or death?" the tall, braided elf asked.  
  
"Damnit! Can I choose death for you?'  
  
"No. He's getting away."  
  
"Ah! Crap!" Jo scrambled after Faramir and the elf followed her. "Don't you have something better to do with your time?"  
  
The elf shrugged. "Not really. I've got all the time in the world. I'm an elf."  
  
"This is where our paths split milady," Faramir said suddenly, turning around. "I must head back to the battle field."  
  
"And I must stay here and cower in cowardliness Lord Faramir. I wish you well."  
  
"Pansy," the elf mumbled.  
  
"Do you have a name or something?" Jo mumbled.  
  
"Morwen Súrion."  
  
"Sounds like something from the Internet. Why are you following me?"  
  
Morwen shrugged. "Nothing better to do with my time. There's a war here, a fight there. You're funny to watch."  
  
"I'm glad you think so. Leave me alone please," Jo said and started walking away.  
  
"Can't," Morwen answered, following her.  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Cause I brought you here."  
  
Jo whirled around. "You what?"  
  
"Bye!" Morwen chanted and ran away.  
  
"Come back damnit!!" Jo shouted, chasing after her.  
  
"Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!" Morwen sang cheerfully as she ran lithely away.  
  
"How did you bring me here? And why?! Answer me!"  
  
"Ask me no more questions and I'll tell you no more lies!"  
  
"Fine! No more questions! Just answer the ones I all ready asked!"  
  
"Nope. That's not part of our deal."  
  
"What deal? We never made a deal! Send me home before something eats me!!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why!?"  
  
"Because I've been bored!"  
  
"You brought me here to entertain you? When I catch you I'm going to cut your braid off and strangle you with it!"  
  
"You can't catch me! I'm an elf!" Morwen proved her skills by hurtling several people and forcing Jo to shove her way through the crowd. "Yer just a human even if you are funny! Its your fault yer here anyway!"  
  
"Whaddya mean?"  
  
"Who in their right mind opens a hiccuping closet?"  
  
"My friend that's who! How do I get back home?!"  
  
"Ask your wizard friend! And watch your step!"  
  
"WhaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Jo landed heavily on a stack of saddle blankets and right in front of Pippin and Shawn, who were sharing a bag of peanut butter M&Ms.  
  
Both Shawn and Pippin looked up to the ledge Jo had run off of.  
  
"Do you fly?" Pippin asked, chocolate all over his chin.  
  
"Did you learn?" Shawn asked, still looking at the ledge.  
  
"No I can't fly!" Jo shouted, struggling to pull herself from her landing pad. "I fell off that stupid ledge chasing that elf from Helm's Deep! She said she sent us here! All of this is happening cause you opened that stupid closet door!"  
  
"Dhuh," Shawn chuckled. "I could have told you that. Where's Faramir? Weren't you babysitting him?"  
  
"He ran off to the battle front," Jo mumbled, snatching some chocolates from Pippin.  
  
"You didn't follow him? Some baby sitter you are."  
  
Jo sighed. "Did you talk to Gandalf?"  
  
"I tried but that crazy old king guy wouldn't let me get close. So we went for a walk."  
  
"Lets get some sleep."  
  
"Don't think that's such a good idea," Shawn mumbled, whipping her hands on her jeans.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Don't you hear the ominous music?"  
  
Jo glanced up and to her surprise she did hear ominous music. "Time to hide."  
  
"Let me show you the stable."  
  
"Righto!"  
  
"Come on Pippin."  
  
The hobbit glanced at the sky, trying to hear whatever they heard. He heard nothing and ran after the girls.  
  
*************  
  
Ah, yet another chapter. That was fun. The braided elf is my friend Holly and I actually did get her elf name from the Internet. Here's the link:  
  
http://www.chriswetherell.com/elf/Default.asp  
  
The little twist about her bringing me and Shawn around was something I hadn't planned on. I kinda just thought it up. That's the effect ramen noddles have on me. Well I'm going to snack on some toast and write the next chapter of The Cheapest Room around. Thanks for reading and please review or a plague upon your house. ^____^ 


	16. Run and Hide!

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
Author's Notes: Ha ha. I'm updating yet again. Months of nothing and then suddenly updates everywhich way. Kinda like rain in Texas. It must be the jersey. I has to be. I'm wearing it now cause I'm watching the Arsenal v Liverpool game and I just wanna write something. So this is the first of the last three chapters. I might finish the story today folks. Ah that would be surprising.  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine but if someone wants to sell the rights I'm here.  
  
***  
  
Chapter Sixteen: Run and Hide!  
  
"I won't go! And you can't make me!"  
  
"No no! We won't go! No no! We won't go!"  
  
"If you children don't be quiet," Gandalf growled.  
  
Jo continued to march around the room chanting and Shawn quickly follwed her. Pippin sat watching them quietly.  
  
"Have you seen whats out there?" Jo asked. "I can run from Orcs and Uruk-hai but those Nazgul fly. There's no way I can out run something that flys."  
  
Shawn nodded in agreement, still chanting.  
  
"I've made it this far with out being eaten by something. I'm not gonna screw that up now."  
  
"We're being sieged," Gandalf sighed, struggling with his temper.  
  
"And that's why we're hiding," Shawn replied.  
  
"It would assure the troops if you were to stand with them. You can see the future after all. What will they think if you do nothing but hide?"  
  
"Tell them we're cowards," Jo said.  
  
"Yeah. Big ones."  
  
"If you don't get out there I'm going to turn you into toads."  
  
"Better toads than in a Nazgul's stomach!"  
  
Gandalf grabbed both girls and dragged them out of the stable.  
  
"Tell them what you've seen!" Jo yelled to Pippin.  
  
"Who?" Pippin asked,following Gandalf.  
  
"Wait a tic. Has Faramir come back yet?"  
  
"Not yet," Gandalf said, glaring down at her.  
  
"Take me to the city wall!"  
  
"I thougth you were frightened."  
  
"I still am but there's gonna be a good show. Cummon Shawn. Get the popcorn."  
  
"Don't have any."  
  
"Get the M&Ms."  
  
"None of those either."  
  
"Pop tarts?"  
  
"Can do."  
  
"All right!"  
  
*******  
  
"So what are we watching?" Shawn asked after Gandalf left to talk with Denethor.  
  
"The jump-in-your-pants chick is going to kill the king of the Nazgul."  
  
"I see the Nazgul. Don't see her."  
  
"She's dressed up like a man right now. Merry should be near by."  
  
"Merry? Does he kill a Nazgul?" Pippin asked.  
  
"He helps. Keep watching. The Nazgul is going to explode."  
  
The threesome watched the battle from crouched behind a high wall, munching on Pop Tarts. Suddenly a large plume of black dust sprang up from the battle field and they began to cheer.  
  
"That was great!" Jo cheered.  
  
"Kinda anti-cilmatic don't you think?" Shawn asked.  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Well it could have burst into green flames or something like that."  
  
"Beggers can't be choosers. Let's get back to the throne room. Faramir is going to come back injured and I don't want Denethor trying to light him on fire."  
  
"Fire?!" Pippin squeaked  
  
*******  
  
"Lord Faramir!" Jo shouted, springing to her feet.  
  
The dishelved, wound prince looked up at her, his face creased in pain. "Have you seen the out come of this battle?" he demanded.  
  
"Yeah," Jo said, glancing at Shawn.  
  
Shawn shrugged. "You guys win. But your injured and sick. You should lie down."  
  
"No. I must get back to the field."  
  
"Uh," Jo said. "You don't need to. Its Aragorn. He's back."  
  
"Really?" Shawn asked and turned to look where Jo was.  
  
Great ships were sailing in the distance, coming toward the city.  
  
"See? You can go lie down."  
  
Faramir nodded and staggered.  
  
Shawn sprang foward, wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him.  
  
Jo rolled her eyes. "Pippin, you go watch after Denethor. Shawn take Faramir somewhere and make sure you know who doesn't come near him until after the batttle. I'm gonna go watch the battle and get Aragorn as soon as its over."  
  
"Yeah," Shawn chuckled. "I'm sure that's what yer gonna do."  
  
"Stop being a pervert. And don't grope him! He's barely concious you sicko."  
  
"I'm looking for injuries," Shawn replied and lead Faramir away.  
  
*******  
  
"Do you have a death wish?" Aragorn asked Jo when she met him at the gate.  
  
"No. I was looking for you. You need to hurry up and go heal Faramir."  
  
"Or what will happen?" Aragorn asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"He'll get molested by Shawn."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing. I can't tell you. Hurry up."  
  
Aragorn rolled his eyes but followed Jo as she led him up to their apartment where Shawn had taken Faramir.  
  
"Here." Jo pressed a bag into Aragorn's hand. "King's foil. Get with the healing."  
  
Shawn slaundered over to Jo, all smiles.  
  
"I can't believe you undressed him," Jo mumbled under her breath as they waited on Aragorn.  
  
"Just his shirt. He was hot. Very hot."  
  
Before Jo could say anything Pippin opened the door quietly and hurried in.  
  
"Denethor is dead," he whispered.  
  
"Yup. Flaming king. What a way to go."  
  
Pippin gazed in awe at Shawn and she beamed proudly.  
  
"He's as well as can be expected," Aragorn said, leaving Faramir to sleep. "He needs to rest though."  
  
"Great. Shawn will make sure he does that and you need to go back out into the city and heal more people. Quickly now."  
  
"I know," Aragorn said cheerfully. He clamped a hand down on Jo's shoulder. "And you are coming with me."  
  
"Me?" Jo squeaked. "Why?'  
  
"I need help. And Shawn is going to stay here and watch Faramir. Like you said. Bye Shawn!" Aragorn sang as he pushed Jo out the door.  
  
"But I don't wanna get all bloody!" Jo wailed.  
  
*********  
  
And another chapter. Not the best but not the worst. Only two chapters to go. The next one is probably going to be a long one. Don't forget to review. I've got plagues.  
  
And the thank you list which I've forgotten lately. Thank you very much too:  
  
Coolio02  
  
PrincessEvenstar  
  
Enna  
  
giveGodtheglory  
  
Cassie-bear01  
  
Chrystyna  
  
Mellon1  
  
Meneglinie  
  
AND  
  
Holly and Shawn  
  
Thanks for reviewing you guys!!! ^__^ 


	17. Lookit!

Well, this isn't a chapter. I'll probably have the next chapter up tomorrow or I might delay it for a bit cause I want everyone to suffer over the cliff hanger. Its funny. Because another one of my ficcy's is almost over I was wondering what I was going to do with my time. So I decided to imbark on my most ambitious project so far!!!!!  
  
Not that any of my projects are really ambitious so its not hard to be the most ambitious project so far. I'm kinda lazy.  
  
Anyway if you have an idea that you'd like to see turn into a a piece of orignal fiction or even fanfiction but don't think you're a good writer I think I can help you. Click on the link below:  
  
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ryouji_kaji/40773.html#cutid1  
  
Leave your email address and then type your idea. Please make sure to type out as much of the idea as you possible can. Include main characters, names, physical descriptions if you have them. Just give me as much information as you possibly can. If you want a piece of fanfiction write down which anime, movie, book, TV show, etc. you want the fanfiction from and what pairings if any apply.   
  
I'm best at humor, as you could tell. But I've tried my hand at romance and people say I'm pretty good at it. I'm also good at mystery, suspence, and drama.   
  
I'll look over everyone's suggestions and pick whichever ideas I think I can write the best story for. ^___^ 


	18. Civil Servants of Gondor

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it.  
  
***  
  
Author's notes: Fanfiction.net did something really, really weird to chapters ten through sixteen. All of my spaces are deleted, tons of lines are missing and the text is full of little dash lines. I re uploaded everything and replaced it in hopes that that would fix it but I've yet to see the updated form. Also I don't have a copy of chapter 10 for some reason. If anyone out there has a copy of chapter ten please please please email it to me so I can reupload it and not have to rewrite the whole chapter. Thanks! ^__^  
  
Chapter Seventeen: Civil Servants of Gondor  
  
Aragorn tossed a bundle of clothing and Jo barely caught it. The added weight almost made her topple and spill everything she was all ready carrying. The girl staggered and managed to regain her balance.  
  
"Hurry!" Aragorn shouted. "There are many yet to be healed!"  
  
"Note to self: never become a civil servant," Jo mumbled to herself. She'd been following Aragorn for nearly two hours as he healed the weak and sick. Jo, it seemed, had taken on the role of pack animal. "You know I never signed up for this."  
  
"Grab that bag and hurry up those stairs. I'll need more kings foil in a moment," Aragorn said and disappeared into yet another apartment full of wounded warriors.  
  
Jo grabbed the bag, kicking it up to join the rest in her arms. "More kings foil," she mumbled. "I hope he realizes I risked my life to get his precious kings foil. Cut my fingers up on thorns too."  
  
"Jo!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
"Hold your horses! I'm coming!" Jo hurried into the apartment and threw everything she was carrying to the floor. "What do you need?"  
  
"Bandages and kings foil. Quickly."  
  
Jo tossed a roll of bandages to him and dug in her pockets for another cloth bag full of kings foil. "We're almost out."  
  
"I have sent for more. It should arrive shortly."  
  
Jo sat down heavily on the baggage she'd been carrying. "Fantastic. More stuff for me to carry around."  
  
"Get these men fresh clothes and make sure they have something to eat. When you are done meet me in the next apartment. There is much work yet to be done."  
  
Jo hung her head out the window and shouted for food, then returned to her baggage to pull out fresh clothes.  
  
"It is an honor to be in the service of Aragorn son of Arathorn," one of the wounded warriors told her.  
  
"You've obviously never worked with him," Jo quipped. "All of you rest and eat. There will be no more fighting today. And if you need anything just yell. I'm sure Aragorn will have me running back here."  
  
"Now young one!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
"Ah shove it!" Jo shouted, storming out of the apartment.  
  
"Do what now?" Aragorn asked, a pleasant smile on his face.  
  
"Why do you insist on torturing me?"  
  
"Because I hope that you will learn a lesson and stop foolishly risking your life. Believe it or not there are people here who would hate to see you dead."  
  
Jo sighed. "You make it hard for people to be angry. Do you know that?"  
  
Aragorn wrapped an arm around Jo's shoulders. "Yes I do. Sit and rest for a moment. Have some lembas bread and water."  
  
Jo did as she was told. "He's so hot," she mumbled to herself, watching him walk away.  
  
"I heard you both were being stupid again."  
  
"Hello Legolas."  
  
"Sit. Stay," Legolas ordered, pushing Shawn down next to Jo.  
  
"What did you do?" Jo mumbled.  
  
"Went to find Haldir and fell into a hole."  
  
"Doesn't sound so bad."  
  
"Full of spikes. You?"  
  
"Ran about outside getting kings foil so Aragorn could hurry up with this healing stuff."  
  
"You'd think he'd be happy about that."  
  
"And I freaked out when those dead guys came running down a hill and ran into a ravine. Haldir saved me and ratted me out."  
  
"Where is my Haldir pookey anyway?"  
  
"Get tired of groping Faramir?"  
  
"He's not as cute as Boromir. And he passed out again."  
  
"So you'll grope him when he's barely conscious but not after he passes out."  
  
"Takes all the fun out of it."  
  
"Yer one sick puppy."  
  
Shawn shrugged. "So where is Haldir?"  
  
"Told him about my run in with Morwen and he went to talk to Gandalf."  
  
Shawn pounced on Jo suddenly and started beating her head on the ground. "Why are you trying to take me away from my Haldir pookems? Do you want him for yourself?'  
  
"Need air," Jo gasped. "Can't breath."  
  
"Have you gone mad?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Haldir!" Shawn cheered, jumping away from Jo, who lie gasping on the ground for a long moment.  
  
"Hello miladies," Haldir greeted, kissing Shawn's hand. "I have heard about both your exploits. You are turning into quite the young warriors."  
  
"Not by choice," Jo said, picking herself up from the floor.  
  
"Me neither," Shawn said. "I don't know when we became civil servants but I hope someone changes it back soon."  
  
"Foolish children," Gimli snorted as he walked up to them."It is an honor to fight."  
  
"Screw honor," Shawn scoffed. "I'd much rather live."  
  
"Me too. I'll run and hide any day. We just always end up in these stupid situations."  
  
"You'd think we'd see it coming," Shawn said, chuckling at the irony.  
  
"Cowards!" Gimli spat. "But you are children and girls at that so how much can be expected from you?"  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"I agree!"  
  
"It is too bad you feel that way."  
  
"Gandalf," Jo greeted. "Have you found a way for us to go home yet? I don't wanna be here for the final battle."  
  
"That is why I feel sorry for you. The both of you."  
  
"Uh?" Shawn and Jo muttered.  
  
"You will be riding with us to Mordor."  
  
"Yer kidding!"  
  
"We can't go there!"  
  
"She's right!"  
  
"We'll get eaten!"  
  
"Or worse!"  
  
"It is the only choice. We must keep you close so that no harm comes to you."  
  
"Which is more work than it ought to be since you are both so afraid," Legolas joked.  
  
"I have spoken with Morwen. If you are killed here there is no hope of you getting home and this world will be forever changed in ways that we cannot possibly fathom."  
  
"What if we just get a little mangled?"  
  
"Yeah. Just gnawed on a bit. What would that do?"  
  
"You are going to Mordor and that is final."  
  
"BUT I DON'T WANNA GOOOOOO!!!!" the girls wailed in unison.  
  
*************  
  
A plague upon fanfiction.net for destroying my chapters. Once again I ask if anyone has a copy of chapter ten pllleeeeeeaaaaasssssseeeee email it to me. I don't have a saved copy or a written one either. I'm desperate, I'm begging, I'm crying. A PLAUGE UPON FANFICTION.NET A PLAUGE!!!!! 


	19. Civil Disobedience

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: Yadda, yadda, yadda.  
  
***  
  
Author's notes: So after I found out that fanfiction.net screwed everything I went and uploaded and replaced some of the chapters and had a panic attack because I didn't have a hard copy of chapter ten. Today I found out that fanfiction.net went and fixed what it had screwed up. So I'm no longer looking for a copy of chapter ten. I have one now though and I made sure I had a hard copy of everything else as well. Stupid fanfiction.net. I guess I'll have to lift the plague though so here goes. *lifts plague* Ah well, on with the story.  
  
Chapter Eighteen: Civil disobedience  
  
"I'm hungry!"  
  
"I'm tired!"  
  
"My butt is asleep!"  
  
"Why can't I get a different horse? This one is trying to kill me!"  
  
"If you think complaining is going to convince us to allow you to go back to Minas Tirith you are greatly mistaken," Gandalf said calmly.  
  
"We figured that out all ready."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then why do it?"  
  
"To annoy you."  
  
"And make you regret you ever bought us."  
  
"Perhapse I should just turn the two of you into toads."  
  
"Then we could escape easier."  
  
"All we'd have to do is hop away."  
  
Gandalf sighed and urged his horse away from theirs.  
  
"Status of Operation: Annoy Everyone!"Shawn demanded.  
  
"Annoyed one ma'am!" Jo answered with a sharp salute.  
  
"Very good. All is according to plan. MMMWWHHHAAAAA!!!!"  
  
"Your homeland is strange place," Gimli grumbled.  
  
"Its not really," Jo said. "Its mostly us."  
  
"Yeah. People over there think we're weird too."  
  
"It has been said that oddity is the sign of great genius," Haldir remarked as he rode up to them.  
  
"He's so sweeeeet!" Shawn cooed and slapped at Jo's hands as she attempted to keep her from jumping off her horse and groping Haldir.  
  
"You better get used to to not groping him. We're going home soon."  
  
"Speak not these words to me," Shawn declared dramatically. "I must go. I need to get in all the groping I can before I am torn so ruthlessly from my love!"  
  
Jo waved to Shawn as she rode off. "Oi Aragorn!"  
  
"Yes?" the king-to-be answered as she rode up to him.  
  
"Why does Sauron want the ring anyway?"  
  
Aragorn stared at her in surprise.  
  
"I mean I know why he wants it but what is he going to do with it? He's a giant eye. Even if he gets his hands on it how is he going to put it on? I'd think he'd want Visine more than a ring. What with him floating over that tower all the time. I bet he doesn't even have an eyelid."  
  
"You have seen the eye?" Aragorn asked. "Why did you not tell us?"  
  
"I cannot tell you everything I have seen," Jo replied. "Or I would risk changing the course of everything. That and I forget what I tell people and what I don't."  
  
"I expect it was more than your so called fear of changing the future. You've hardly taken any precautions against that."  
  
"Hmmpf," Jo huffed. "I have too. I haven't told you even half of what I know." She shut herself up quickly. "You're trying to trick me. Kings aren't allowed to trick people."  
  
"Says who?" Aragorn chuckled. "When I am king I may do anything I want. Or at least that is what people tell me."  
  
"Yeah but I'm not one of your subjects so I don't have to listen to you. I will anyway thought cause if I don't I'll probably get eaten by something."  
  
"You have many concerns with being eaten I have noticed."  
  
"Do you wanna be eaten by something?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"There you have it," Jo said, as if that explained everything.  
  
"Not wanting to be eaten and obsessing over it are two very different things," Aragorn pointed out.  
  
"Yeah but with my luck I'm going to end up being lunch for some hungry monster. And there are lots of them around here."  
  
"You worry needlessly," Aragorn said calmly. "For I will protect your life with my own. Have no doubts of that."  
  
'How can anyone not love this man?' Jo thought. 'I'm kinda starting to wish I could stay here too.'  
  
"There is Mordor," Aragorn said, hatred in his voice. "Do not leave my side."  
  
"Okay," Jo croaked in fear. "I wanna go home now."  
  
**********  
  
So that's that one. Rather short but that's okay. The next chapter is going to be the last. I was going to finish it tonight but I think I might wait until next week. Around Monday night or Tuesday morning.  
  
It was suggested to me by Ainu Laire that I should write another Lord of the Rings fic. For some reason that idea really stuck with me. I'm going to write another one. Its going to be a drama/serious fic. If you like my writing you might want to check it out. While comedy is hard to write in its own way drama will really show a writer's skill. I've all ready got it posted. Please read and tell me what you think.  
  
I've noticed that allot of writers don't leave thank you lists on their fics. Maybe they email everybody but I still think its important to put reviewers names at the ends of the chapters. Without reviewers there would be much point now would there? So here's a big thank you to everyone who's review since the last chapter.  
  
THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO:  
  
Cassie-bear01 (who would want to fight anyway?)  
  
Alina11  
  
Lizardlegs (I love that name by the way and rock on with the clarinet)  
  
Coolio02 (I'd love to see your ideas)  
  
AND  
  
Ainu Laire (thank you for the suggestion) 


	20. The Destruction of the Ring

Vacationing in Middle Earth  
  
By: Writes with block  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: I'm sure you know the drill.  
  
***  
  
Chapter Nineteen: The Destruction of the Ring  
  
"Jo?!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"I changed my mind! I wanna go home!"  
  
"Me too! Run faster!"  
  
Shawn and Jo sprinted as fast as they possibly could across the pitted battlefield. The battle had started suddenly. They'd been separated from their Middle Earth protectors. The evil influence of Jo's horse had finally taken over Shawn's and both animals had dropped their riders like a sweater in June.  
  
So now they were both running like their lives depended on it, which they did, in the direction they hope would lead them away from the enemy.  
  
"When we get home I'm never opening a hiccuping closet again!"  
  
"If we get home Shawn. If!"  
  
Both girls dove under a rocky outcropping, cowering in fear.  
  
"Which way now?" Jo asked.  
  
"No idea. How did we get into this mess?"  
  
Jo glanced at her but didn't reply. "hey, if we don't make it out of this alive I just wanted you to know."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I ate the goldfish crackers."  
  
"You what!?"  
  
"Time to run again!"  
  
Both girls darted out from under the rock and right into Haldir.  
  
"Haldir!" Shawn cheered and groped him.  
  
"Hurry girls!" Haldir urged.  
  
"We're going to die and you still take advantage of him?"  
  
"I wanna die happy, you know."  
  
"I honestly can't argue with that."  
  
Gandalf appeared suddenly out of nowhere, startling the girls but not the elf.  
  
"Are you trying to destroy this world?"  
  
"No more than I'm trying to fail my AP exams!"  
  
"Move!" Gandalf bellowed, grabbing both girls by the nape of the neck and dragging them away from the main battle.  
  
"Good way to get away from the battle," Jo admitted.  
  
"I'm gonna need a good massage," Shawn mumbled. "Oh Haldir!"  
  
"Yes milady?"  
  
Before Shawn could hit on him the elf cried out and grabbed his forehead.  
  
"Haldir!" Shawn shouted and jumped to his aide.  
  
If one could consider groping to be aide.  
  
"The ring!" Haldir gasped. "It has been destroyed!"  
  
"Well there goes my fun."  
  
Everyone whirled around.  
  
"Morwen!" Jo growled.  
  
"You guys better say your good-byes."  
  
"Good-byes!?!"  
  
"Yup. The ring is gone and so are you."  
  
"I don't wanna go home!" Shawn protested, holding on to Haldir tighter.  
  
Morwen shrugged. "Can't help you there."  
  
"What if we decide to stay?" Shawn asked.  
  
"The very fabric of this world will be ripped to shreds."  
  
"Dang," Jo mumbled. "Aragorn!"  
  
"What is it?" Aragorn asked, running over to them.  
  
"The ring has been destroyed and we're going home!"  
  
A loud hiccuping sound filled the mostly silent battlefield. A large rip appeared in the air.  
  
"There's your ride home," Morwen said. "Just jump on in."  
  
"Hurry girls," Gandalf urged, pulling them toward it. "The rip will close quickly."  
  
"I don't wanna go," Shawn pouted.  
  
"Good-bye milady," Haldir said. "It has been a joy to know you." He gave Shawn a kiss on the cheek and pushed her toward the rip.  
  
"This sucks," Shawn mumbled.  
  
"Thanks for not letting something eat me," Jo said to Aragorn. "I appreciate it."  
  
The Ranger darted forward suddenly and kissed her.  
  
"I changed my mind!" Jo shouted.  
  
Aragorn gave her a shove, sending her falling back into Shawn, and sending both girls into he air rip.  
  
******  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's the end. ^____^ Ah I love a good cliff hanger. It tortures the readers so much. Will we make it home? Will we not? You'll just have to wait and see. Got to go write chapters for another story!! *prances away* WWWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEE!!!!!  
  
And here's the thank you list:  
  
Cassie-bear01  
  
Princess Flame (thanks for the plushies and the cut out!!!)  
  
carebear25  
  
Coolio02  
  
Mellon1  
  
giveGodtheglory (i like how you post what your favorite lines are. it gives me an idea of what people want to read in my fics. and you didn't miss out on this thank you list! ^_^)  
  
I also want to say an extra special thank you to carebear25, frodo-lover, Mirkwood Queen, Ainariel, rlenavampyre14, titanichobbit, and princess flame. Thank you very, very, very much for putting me on your favorite author's list. It means allot to me.  
  
And even more thank you's to Rlenavampyre 14 who answered my distress call for chapter ten. Thanks!!!!  
  
The next chapter will be the last. Its kinda sad. 


	21. El extremo, L'extrémité, Das ende, L'est

Vacationing in Middle-Earth  
  
By: Writes with Block  
  
*******  
  
Disclaimer: Its been a long, strange journey but this is the last chapter folks. That's it. The end, el extremo, l'extrémité, das Ende, l'estremità, a extremidade, fin, and other words that mean the end. This is like the third or fourth thing I've ever finished and I've been writing since I was ten years old. Shows you how much I've grown. As a writer not emotionally or anything like that. So this is the end and look how long I've managed to drag this one out. Have fun reading this because I'm teasing you until the end. Wouldn't want to stop reading this now though cause there might just be something important in it. *chuckle* Yeah right. Have you ever seen me be serious? Even when I'm supposed to be? Okay so this is the last chapter and pretty much every one of my friends is going to make an appearance because they've been with me from beginning to end. Epically Shawn, Allie, and Holly. So kudos to you for putting up with me for so long and lots and lots of thank yous to Roxy cause she was the first person to read something I wrote. I'll put my thank yous to everyone else later because this is allot longer than I meant it to be. Don't own them. On with the chapter.  
  
*******  
  
Chapter Twenty-One: El extremo, L'extrémité, Das ende, L'estremità, A extremidade  
  
"Owwie," Jo mumbled.  
  
"Get your foot off my head."  
  
"That's not my foot."  
  
"Then whose is it?" Shawn asked.  
  
"Yours."  
  
"Oh," Shawn mumbled. "Move it anyway."  
  
"Hold on. Let me move my arm."  
  
"That's my arm," Shawn pointed out.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Where are we?" Shawn asked, trying to turn her head.  
  
"Bathroom stall."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"The toilet is over there," Jo said, pointing with her toes.  
  
"How do we get out of here?"  
  
"I can see the door lock," Jo said. "Move your foot to the left. Your other left. Your other left!"  
  
"Why didn't you say that?" Shawn moved her foot over and undid the lock with her toes.  
  
"When did you lose your shoes?"  
  
"On the battle field. Now what?"  
  
"Uh, push the door with your foot but do it slowly because AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! OPMH!!!"  
  
The combined weight of Jo and Shawn caused the bathroom door to spring open violently and both girls fell out, spilling out on to the floor.  
  
"Hey," Shawn said. "I know where we are."  
  
"Yeah. Yer sitting on my head."  
  
"I'm serious. I know this bathroom."  
  
"I'm serious too. Get of my head!"  
  
Shawn stood up, looking around. "This is the bathroom at the Astrodome. We're at DCI!"  
  
"How did we get here?" Jo asked and her jaw dropped.  
  
"What? Do I have chocolate in my teeth?"  
  
Jo grabbed Shawn and shoved her back into the bathroom stall.  
  
"What are you doing? We just got out of here."  
  
"We're wearing our Middle-Earth clothes."  
  
"All right! I got my souvenir after all. I wanted Haldir though."  
  
"We have to change clothes. And there are our bags."  
  
"Conveint," Shawn nodded.  
  
"Yeah," Jo said and then grabbed her backpack. "Hurry up before someone notices we're in here."  
  
They managed to change clothes in the crowded stall, thanks skills learned and sharpened after years of being in marching band, and carefully stowed their Middle Earth clothes.  
  
"Hey you guys!"  
  
"Its Roxy," Jo whispered. "I guess they didn't notice we were gone."  
  
"How could you not?" Shawn whispered back. "Yeah?" she shouted to Roxy.  
  
"Our burgers are ready."  
  
"Burger," Jo uttered, drooling.  
  
"We'll be right there," Shawn said, holding Jo back from the door. "What would she have said if we came out of the same stall?"  
  
"I don't care. Give me my freaking Whataburger." Jo opened the door with a flourish and started a woman at the sink. "We're with the band," she explained, pointing at Shawn.  
  
The woman nodded as if that explained everything and went back to washing her hands.  
  
Shawn gathered the bags and followed Jo to get their food.  
  
"Hey guys," Aaron greeted. He was all ready eating his burger and Shawn had to keep Jo from pouncing on him.  
  
"Got your burgers."  
  
"Thanks Allie," Shawn said, taking the bags from her.  
  
Everyone watched in amazement as Jo ripped the bag open and started eating her burger without even bothering to take the paper off.  
  
"Oh glorious burger," she mumbled, her mouth full.  
  
"Glad to see your feeling better," Allie said with a soft chuckle.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Shawn asked, trying not to sound surprised.  
  
"You guys were pretty out of it this morning," Holly said, taking the sticker from her Whataburger wrapper and sticking it to Jo's forehead. "For yer PDA."  
  
"Oh glorious cheese burger! Where are my fries?"  
  
"You didn't tell us to order you any," Roxy said. "But I do have your drink."  
  
"You guys go safe our seats. We're gonna get some fries," Shawn said, pulling Jo over into the line for the Whataburger concession. "Why do they think we've been here all morning?"  
  
Jo shrugged, whipping burger grease off her chin. "I guess the dimensional rip made up for our absence. We couldn't not be here because we exist here."  
  
"But we were over there."  
  
Jo shrugged. "I'll take advanced physics when we get back to school. Just give me two freaking orders of French fries!"  
  
The cashier gave her a strange look and keyed in her order.  
  
"My wallets in your bag," Jo said to Shawn.  
  
"Oh yeah." Shawn opened her bag and started rummaging around. She found Jo's wallet quickly and handed it to her friend and continued digging. "Uh...."  
  
"I know that 'Uh...'," Jo said, turning to give her friend a suspicious glance. "What happened?"  
  
"Well, um, we've got a problem."  
  
Jo grabbed her orders of French fries and pulled Shawn away from the crowd. "What kind of problem?"  
  
"I can't find my Riot."  
  
"The MP3 player? When was the last time you saw it?  
  
"I was showing it to Haldir while we were in Gondor."  
  
"Oh crap. We manage to get in trouble even when we're not there."  
  
"Well, Gandalf said it was our presence that was going to screw stuff up. You don't think our stuff could screw things up, do you?"  
  
"Uh...well..."  
  
"Do you?"Shawn asked, shaking her friend back and forth.  
  
"Stop shaking me." Jo stuffed a few French fries in her mouth and her brows furrowed in thought. "Dunno. I guess we'll just have to keep our eyes open for weird stuff. If nothing happens then we're off the hook."  
  
"Are you guys coming?" Holly shouted. "The Blue Devils are about to go on."  
  
"Coming!" Jo said and the two friends joined Holly and went to watch the bands.  
  
*********  
  
Shawn clicked on the Internet icon, a bored look on her face. Next to her, Jo tilted her chair backward, chewing on the cap of her pen. It had been two weeks since their adventures in Middle Earth and high school life was nothing compared to what they had been through.  
  
"Wanna play Qbeez?" Shawn asked, her voice monotone.  
  
"Sure," Jo sighed. "Why not."  
  
Shawn clicked on the link and then let her head slid onto the table to wait for the game to load. "Where's Mrs. Havelka anyway? Class started ten minutes ago."  
  
"Does it make a difference?" Jo asked, letting her head fall loll onto the back of her chair.  
  
"Not really."  
  
The classroom door opened and the students suddenly started talking among themselves in quick, excited voices.  
  
"Sorry I'm so late," an oddly familiar voice said. "I got lost in the halls. Mrs. Havelka won't be here today. I am your substitute."  
  
"Is that?" Jo whispered to herself and looked up.  
  
The substitute was a young man with long pale blonde hair pulled back into a casual ponytail at the nape of his neck. A pair of small black headphones rested against his shoulders. A small, black, familiar MP3 player was cradled in his hands. He walked to the front of the class and put down a tattered, familiar bag down on the floor next to him.  
  
"I'm not sure how long your teacher will be out so I might be with you for quite sometime," he said with a shy grin. There was a murmur of appreciated from the female students. "I'm sure we'll get to know each other." He looked over at Shawn and Jo and gave them a wink before turning back to the class. "So, can anyone tell me what you've been up to lately?"  
  
"It can't be," Jo mumbled.  
  
"Its Haldir!" Shawn squealed.  
  
FIN  
  
***********  
  
HAHAHAHAHA. Even when I end a story I can still torture my readers. I'm having a bit too much fun with this I think. Will I write a squeal? Will I not? Who knows? Not me. ^___^ You'll have to thank giveGodtheglory for the little cliff hanger. She asked for a squeal. And someone gave me the idea of leaving the Riot behind but for some reason I can't find the email about it and I save all the emails about reviews and such. Awful sorry 'bout that one. I wanted to give you credit for it. Email me or something and I will. So the next thing I post here will be a really, really long thank you note with every single person who has reviewed this story in it. So keep reviewing and lets see if we can get my reviews up to a hundred. I only need eight more. The 100th person will get a special prize. Not sure what yet but you will. Thanks for reading and tell me what you think or I'll have to give you a plague. 


	22. Thank you!

All righty ladies and gentlemen! I have 101 reviews! Yea! *throws a party* And the lucky #100 person is.....*drumroll*  
  
Spazjoslyn!!!!  
  
So, Spazjoslyn, you get some kind of prize. Don't know what it will be but I guess you could make me write something for you. That's really the only thing that I can do. ^__^  
  
And now for the list of everyone who has ever reviewed this fic before. This could take sometime. In no particular order thank you too:  
  
Saiyan-girl-cheethaGreeneyes6162lazze2singinLegolas Stalker TayGalawan  
  
MerhotepbeccaNenuialCassie-bear01cherryfizzbjam  
  
OlioCarebear25Mellon1Wizardess GalAnime princess4  
  
Frodo-LoveraquitainegFiwen2Rohiana TinuveilOlio  
  
giveGodthegloryOlolairesugaricingAinu LairePrincessEvenstar  
  
Alina11ChrystynaMeneglinielEnnaCoolio02  
  
Queen KatLizardlegsPrincess FlameSpazjoslyn  
  
And of course thank you to Roxy, Allie, Shawn, Holly, Aaron, and Heidi. Thanks for sticking with me for this long you guys.  
  
So the ending of this is a cliff hanger. I've had at least five people ask me for a sequel. If at least five more people ask I'll start writing one. Thanks for reading and review. *single tear* Now you can go read my other Lord of the Rings fic! ^_____^ 


	23. The news about the sequel

I don't really know if people are still checking this one but I thought I'd post this here. So...lots of people have asked for a sequel. I knew it was a bad idea to tell people I'd do one if they'd review. But I just hunger for new reviews. Its like an illness. So I'm going to write a sequel. So I'll have the first chapter of the sequel either Suday night (but don't count on that one because there's lots of good TV on the WB Sunday nights ^____^) or Monday morning/afternoon. Probably Monday morning. Hope you enjoy it.  
  
*SIGH*  
  
(ah the heavy sigh of those who must work and would rather be sleeping) 


End file.
